“They’ve got my back!”

Hi ya! Come on in we are going to have a delightful time together with a cuppa in hand…Today we are reflecting upon perceptions & expectations in relationships!

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the above statement, “They’ve got my back!” which always concerns me…as a certain dynamic is at play here…

Let’s grab our cuppa’s & get settled, mine is a Ginger & Apple herbal tea, an anti inflammatory which is great for pain. I have a delicious mini gf Lamington as a treat.

 

Let me ask you a question of the above photo on the right…

What color do you see the Azalea blooms to be?

Let me know your answer in the comments below, I’m interested to know because color perceptions are unique.

My hubby perceives these to be one color & I perceive them to be another. We have differing color perceptions which is something we have noticed since we got married…

However this perceptual differences can also be seen in other areas of our relationship not just in colors.

As in any relationship whether it be martial, familial or friendship… perceptions will vary & differ in each individual within the dynamics of the relationship.

As we develop our perceptions throughout life…through our unique family backgrounds, cultural heritages, education, personality, spiritual beliefs, emotional development & life experiences.

Over the years I have had many discussions both personally & professionally on perceptual differences. These variations can cause a great deal of misunderstanding, heartbreak & communication break downs in relationships.

Because most relationships develop through attraction to like minded people who may have something in common through certain held beliefs such as political or spiritual, cultural backgrounds or interests but will also bring something unique to the relationship.

Therefore, as we believe the Other has similar values, ethical standards or ways of doing things we can mistakenly think they perceive & understand the set of values that we expect & place upon the relationship…especially in the role we see them playing.

Now those of us who have been married or in a relationship at any stage in our lives know that the Language of relationships… can be vastly different to what we first believed. Which can lead to all types of misunderstandings.

Likewise, individualized perceptions can do the same, as in the title of this reflection,“They’ve got my back!”The expectations in this statement are huge!

One person is expecting the Other person to defend, support, assist & unconditionally be there for them in every situation. 

But what does that mean in real terms?

Does it mean blind loyalty?

Does it mean unconditional support but what does that look like?

Does it mean they are expected to defend you even when they believe you’re in the wrong or may have no idea of the circumstances surrounding what they are expected to defend you in?

What does it actually mean to them? Do they even know you have this expectation of them in the relationship?

Are you expecting them to distance or cut off mutual friends or family members when you feel the offense, hurt or rejection by those people?

But, have you thought about what their core values & principles may be for relationships?

&

What God is calling them to do in relationship to you & to others?

You see we take many things for granted in relationships, thinking the other already knows how we think & what we expect.

We can have expectations that in reality the Other may have no idea about…or they may perceive something entirely different to us on the same value, principle or expectation. Like hubby & I do on the color of the Azalea blooms above.

We are both looking at the same plant, in the same garden, in the same light at the same moment but hubby perceives light red & I deep apricot! And each of us believe the color we are perceiving is correct because we see through our individualized perception…

I learnt long ago that there’s only One who truly has my back…Because put simply, people are fallible they will let us down & we them! Our Heavenly Father’s assurance is this…

“…He will give His Angels charge concerning you, to guard you wherever you go!”

Psalm 91:11

Don’t place an impossible expectation on your spouse, friend or loved one to always have your back when only the Creator God & His Angels can fulfill that role my friend…

Until next time,

Jennifer

 

© teawithjennifer.blog Photo by Jennifer All Rights Reserved & Pexels.com 

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32 thoughts on ““They’ve got my back!”

Add yours

  1. Um … I see coral!

    Jennifer, you’ve served up since fascinating observations about our often unspoken expectations.

    I’m off to re-read this once again …

    Thanks for kicking my day off with much food for thought.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for reminding me to think about the expectations I put on others. I see this so much in my marriage, but it’s true in every relationship. I’m grateful for the reminder so I can shift my thinking closer to God’s.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Jennifer, I so agree. I have never used that statement that someone has my back. I learned a long time ago that people will disappoint me as I do them. I try to give my expectations to God. Thank you for always pointing to the truth of scripture. I see the azaleas as coral.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank you for these great thoughts, Jennifer. Truly, only God can guard our hearts and back. Recently, He reminded me of the Scripture that He will “be our rearguard” and I was touched so deeply to think of His great protection. It is so easy to depend on people for that, when we should be depending on God. I needed these thoughts today, Dear Friend. God is my protector! Love and blessings to you!
    P.S. I see the flowers as deep salmon colored. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Coral, thank you. Absolutely Elizabeth, this is just a fun exercise with the color of the Azalea, as hubby & I agree to disagree & have a good laugh about it.
      The acceptance of differing perceptions & expectations of each other in any relationship definitely takes maturity to work out 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I see coral, Jennifer! And yes, I completely agree – our perceptions influence so much of life. I also think we add a lens of personal perspective – no wonder there are so many views and opinions! Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I see coral with a touch of white. Yes, perceptions are a little bit like feelings in the sense that they are not necessarily facts. This is something I have had to learn and accept. Thank you for sharing with us at Grace & Truth Link-Up. I love seeing your post there each week. Maree

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I’d call the flowers ‘salmon’-colored ;). My husband and one daughter see a certain color of green as grey, and my other daughter and I see it as green. We have lively family discussions on our perceptions ;). I see this loyalty based on perceptions working out in terrible ways in the lives of my students. They are extremely loyal to each other. A conversation I had with an inebriated to the point of needing to be hospitalized youngster went like this: “Where did you get the vodka?” “My friends gave it to me.” “If they are really your friends, would they give you vodka (the youngster is 15)?” Because the vodka giver is perceived as a ‘friend’ the youngster believes that drinking it must be ok. It’s heart-breaking.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Salmon colored, thank you Anita. Yes, the perception of what constitutes loyalty can be difficult with many age groups & subcultures actually. Your experience with that young student is heartbreaking Anita.

      Like

  8. Like many of the others, I see coral! It is interesting how we can all see colour in such different ways. Your post is so full of wisdom. It is important to remember that others see things differently and may not always understand our perspective or expectations. And I agree, God is the only one who truly has our back in every situation.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your kind words Lesley! Yes, everyone perceives differently even though a majority of commentators here see the color coral the shades & tones would varying to each individual 😉
      It is important to acknowledge our differing perceptions in relationships as it helps to bring understanding, clarity, empathy & alleviates many misunderstandings.
      Lovely having you drop by 😀

      Liked by 1 person

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