Peace amidst the chaos…

Welcome dear friend, grab yourself a cuppa so we can spend this time together over a comforting hot beverage. We are going to reflect upon a very important issue today…

Our beautiful Jacaranda which I featured in the Tree of life… is dropping seed pods at the moment. Most landing on the ground wide open having released their seeds to the wind, while others after being knocked off prematurely by a recent storm remain closed.

As I looked closer at the individual Jacaranda seeds, I noticed they have little fuzzy wing like structures that help them fly upon the wind. Which distributes them far & wide to become a most magnificent tree….just like ours.


This had me wandering down memory lane…

Right from that very first private little suspicion of pregnancy with each of my five children, my love for them was all encompassing & protective, just like the woody seed pod protecting the delicate seeds.

As my children grew, I did my best to protect them from harm & create a nurturing environment for them to reach their unique potential.

Until they reached the age where they were ready to spread their wings & fly on the winds of life. Releasing them to venture far & wide was part of motherhood, to find their place in life & put their own roots down.

Life is so very precious my friend, right from the moment of conception, that new little life holds so much potential…Uniquely designed as one of a kind by our Creator. Just like you & I!

As a mother who has experienced the stillbirth of two children, I know how so very precious those little developing lives are.

As Mama’s let us be like that protective Mama pod nurturing new life until they are grown to spread their wings on the winds of life.

Jacaranda Seeds & pods

May we not be prematurely knocked off the tree of motherhood by the raging lies storms of popular culture.

Being a mother or father is the most amazing human relationship we can experience.

Yes, it’s hard work, yes it’s exhausting & yes very scary at times but it is also extremely rewarding, fulfilling & the most important calling in life we can ever have!

Let’s make this deeply personal…I’m going to share a part of my story that I haven’t shared before…

When I was pregnant with my third daughter, late in my pregnancy a test revealed that she had a severe deformity (I had been exposed to toxic pesticides), so severe in fact that the attending Obstetrician informed me that there was little hope of her survival outside the womb, possibly a few hours at best…I was absolutely devastated….

Termination was suggested…already in shock from the news above, I was further pained by this…

Fear & anxiety gripped my heart for what the future held for this dear little unborn child of mine…Would she suffer if she survived the birth & lived for those few hours outside the womb? I didn’t want her to suffer, I wanted to protect her.

This was my precious child that still held life! I could feel her moving & had just heard her heartbeat on the fetal monitor. I wanted to give her every chance in life that was within my ability to do so, no matter how long that life would be, no matter what abnormality she had, she would be loved, nurtured & protected by her Mama…

I have always believed it’s our Creator’s call when we leave this life, not mine, not medical professionals. For me, termination was never an option but in those seconds faced with this devastating news…my thoughts & emotions were agonizingly raw & chaotic…

I prayed then & there in the Obstetrics clinic, entrusting my unborn child, my little family & all my concerns to my Heavenly Father, a peace & comfort that passes all understanding flooded my soul amidst the chaos.

Later, as natural labor progressed, my little daughter died in utero, I heard her little heartbeat stop on the fetal monitor…after another 18 hours of labor she was born sleeping (stillborn). I named her Candy, meaning sweet child. Though my heart ached for the loss of my daughter, I had such a peace & comfort sustained by Jesus’ promise in…

“Peace I leave with you: My [own] peace I now give to you… Let not your hearts be troubled nor afraid.”

John 14:27

Over the decades that I have been a mental health professional, I have had many women presenting with severe anxiety & depression who had been faced with the same option in their pregnancy, many in their younger years. These dear ladies had never been able to forgive themselves (their words) for their decision to terminate their pregnancy & for the loss of their unborn child.

Many had gone through horrific clinical procedures which had left them infertile. A majority had not been informed as to what they & their unborn child would experience.

None had been made aware that a deep grief would ensue with an all consuming guilt which would be felt deep within their souls, even years later.

Please note; I am not sitting in judgment here, I have the greatest empathy & compassion for the women & men who have faced or are facing this heart wrenching situation. As I had.

If this is what you or a loved one is experiencing…I want you to know that you have a loving Heavenly Father who holds the peace you seek…as I found & experienced.

He has your child in His care & desires to have a very special relationship with you, full of the most amazing love & understanding.

Until next time,


End Note; when I published the reflection above I had not received Lori’s permission to include her story but having now graciously received it, I believe it’s important to include this deeply personal experience she courageously shares in To the Woman Pondering The Abortion Debate: This Is My Story by Lori Schumaker

© 2019 Jennifer M.Ross, All Rights Reserved. 

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32 thoughts on “Peace amidst the chaos…

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  1. What a beautifully touching story. I am so sorry for your loss, and at the same time, I am glad that God has given you the peace, the story and the heart to share with others who need God’s peace. Many Thanks 8)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It grieves me deeply that doctors recommend abortions when they see an abnormality. Also appalling is the notion of “selective reduction” in multiple births. I too have dealt with women grieving over losing “collection of cells” which were actually babies.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you for sharing your story, Jennifer. It must have been difficult to write. I suffered a miscarriage at about 4 months of pregnancy, but the stillbirth of your daughter must have been heart-wrenching for you and your husband. My prayers go out to you. I am sure you have helped other women still suffering from grief and guilt over their decisions to terminate pregnancies. One of my running partners is just such a woman. I will forward this link to her.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Jennifer, what a moving and beautiful story of your mama heart. I believe just like you that God is the Creator and Giver of life and he holds our time in his Hands. It is such a tragedy that children are not safe in their mother’s womb. I am so sorry for your losses. I can’t imagine how painful for your precious Candy and Benjamin to be born sleeping. Thank you for your honesty and love. Blessings always!

    Sharing this with some friends❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Beautifully said, Jennifer. I had some miscarriages- 2 at 12 weeks and a couple earlier on. But you are right, there is still grief but I also experienced the peace that only God can give during those times. I am so sorry for your losses but so thankful Jesus held you close. Blessings to you! I’m your neighbor this week at #InspireMeMonday.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m sorry to hear you lost your little ones Gayl. That would have been heart wrenching & a lot to go through.
      It’s comforting to know that they are in the arms of Jesus & we are assured of seeing them one day. Isn’t it 😀
      You’re right, God’s love & peace, when we accept them are all encompassing in these times of grief. ♥

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Thank you for sharing this very personal part of your journey, Jennifer. My youngest daughter (now 49) had two stillborn baby girls (Brittany and Elizabeth) prior to two live births giving us a granddaughter and grandson who are now young adults. I pray for God’s perfect peace in comforting and healing her scars. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  7. This is so beautiful Jennifer. I’m so very sorry for the losses of your precious children. I can’t imagine the heartbreak you’ve been through, but I so admire your strength and your faith in God and His plan. Blessings to you sweet friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Your story of Candy touched my momma heart. I cannot imagine the extreme loss you felt. I am standing in full agreement with the gift of being a parent. It is my greatest honor to be the mom of two sons. Some of the greatest lessons God has taught me have been as a parent.

    Liked by 1 person

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