Do you find life can get awfully disappointing at times? Welcome my friend to a time of sitting together with a cuppa ~ why don’t you grab one… As we reflect upon peeling back the layers of disappointment to get to the core issue.
It’s raining, cold & windy here today with glimpses of cheeky little rays of sunshine peaking through the rain clouds momentarily teasing us, then quickly disappearing.
We have retreated indoors where it’s dry, warm & cozy. I have prepared a little tray (that my late husband upcycled from an old Spice rack) with a cup of Assam black tea & a couple of homemade gf double choc brownies…
I’m a little disappointed today, well actually not just a little but a lot! Before I share why I’m feeling this way let’s look at what disappointment actually is…
The definition of disappointment; the feeling of sadness or displeasure in unmet hopes &/or expectations.
Which means if we are feeling disappointed, then we held a hope or an expectation of a particular outcome for a certain person, situation or issue that would be fulfilled in the manner in which we had hoped.
I have shared about expectations previously in Iced Wine tea & expectations… which you’re most welcome to read. But today I will be focusing upon what we can do once disappointment has arrived.
The top layer of my disappointment this week is…after going so well in building up my physical activity, as shared last week in The Nature of things…, this week has been a total wipe out!
Not because of the rain, nor because of the cold but because of the demanding tenant called Fibromyalgia, which has amped up its demands, severely impacting my energy & pain levels, restricting my physical capabilities once again.
Although the demands of this tenant are not new to me, after all I have been dealing with them for the past 13 years & I know that this flare will pass in time…so why am I feeling so disappointed?
I realized what had happened, ever so secretly that is, my hopes & expectations had been building little by little with my physical activity! In fact it was so secretly hidden within my subconscious that I was completely unaware, until it hit me they weren’t being fulfilled!
Have you ever had that experience my friend? When your hopes, dreams or expectations for a loved one or a situation are dashed & disappointment hits hard!
Realizing that you, subconsciously, had very high hopes for that loved one & greater expectations for the situation. But now they lay disappointingly & painfully unfulfilled.
This is the time we need to stop, reflect & reassess not continue to languish in the muddy hole of disappointment. Sure we need to recognize & validate our feelings of disappointment over the situation that may have even edged into sadness.
But then let’s get on with reassessing where we stand! Let’s start peeling the layers back to get to the true core of our disappointment…for there is always a deeper issue at hand fueling the surface layer.
Let’s make it personal…
Layer 1
Disappointment = being unable to meet the amount of physical activity I had been slowly building.
It’s about loss & grief…
Layer 2
Disappointment = the deeper unfulfilled hope of being capable again as I was before chronic illness.
There is a deeper hope to live the active life I once lived before chronic health conditions…Being fit & healthy, being reliable, being able to spend more time with family & friends, back working (as I had always expected to work till I entered the gates of eternity), no chronic pain, no chronic fatigue & no fibro fog!
Yet, during this time of chronic illness I have been so blessed with such a richness & deeper understanding to my spiritual life & relationship in Christ then ever before.
It’s about loss & grief...
Layer 3 the core
Disappointment = Loss & grief…Ahhh…It’s the anniversary of my late husband’s passing from brain cancer tomorrow. Yes, there’s a much deeper issue at play, it’s Life after Trauma!
I need to be kind to myself at this time…for God promised…
“…I will turn their grief into joy. And will comfort them, & give them joy for their sorrow.”
Jeremiah 31:13
Disappointment comes to us all, it’s how we process it that counts…Are you disappointed with something in your life today dear friend? What is the deeper issue at play?
Until next time,
Jennifer
© teawithjennifer.blog All Rights Reserved. Photo on Pexels.com
Featured at Grace & Truth Link Up
I hope this is only a temporary glitch Jennifer. Sending you warm thoughts and healing hugs for tomorrow.
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Thank you Brigid ♥
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Jennifer I’m so glad we’ve met. You hit home for me. Normally my dissapointments are the result of the unmet expectation the other person had no idea was expected. You are right as well that things are often much deeper than they seem. You’ve given me some things to think about. My condolences for your loss.
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Thank you Lorie, I’m so glad you found encouragement here 😀
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Jennifer, I am so sorry you have to deal with chronic pain. Yes, be kind to yourself with the anniversary of the passing of your beloved late husband.
I have faced disappointment this week in someone that I love dearly. Your post is so helpful as I process the pain. Blessings always, Pam
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Thank you Pam, he was a sweet man.
I’m saddened to hear you too have experienced the pain of disappointment this week.
Though encouraged that you’re wanting to work through the layers. We can be comforted that He will turn our grief & sorrow into joy ♥
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Praying peace and comfort for you as you will surely be reflecting on your late husband, especially tomorrow.
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Thank you, yes he was a kind & gentle man, such a sweet season of blessing in my life. 🙂
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❤️❤️❤️🙏
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If we don’t sit with and acknowledge our disappointments we are likely to be resentful or grumpy with those around us. I love your honesty here. Disappointment, like other less pleasant feelings, brings a message we need to hear. Sitting with God with the feeling really helps.
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Yes, I agree Elizabeth, resentment is an extremely unproductive emotion.
Thank you! It’s all about being authentic in our shared experience which informs & encourages those who maybe going through a similar time.
Yes, He is the best to sit with when experiencing disappointment.
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A precious post. May God richly bless you.
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Thank you, blessing to you too! 🙂
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Jennifer, I am so sorry that your fibro has flared up again. I know that feeling of disappointment all too well. But you are so right, that it’s so important to allow the Lord to help us to look deeper and see the layers that may be increasing our feelings. I am praying for you tonight as the grief of losing your late husband feels fresh again. May the Lord be so near to you and give you His deep rest and comfort.
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Thank you Bettie for your sweet prayer ♥
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Sorry to hear about your fibro… it’s natural to feel disappointed and sad – but I wish you hope and good health too.
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Thank you, lovely to have you drop by though Fi 😀
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Jennifer, I am so sorry you are feeling the loss and grief of not only losing your husband but also the unrelenting pain of fibromyalgia. Yes, be especially kind to yourself at this point in your life. God does promise to turn our pain into joy. Wishing you blessings. Be compassionate to yourself.
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Thank you Laurie, I’m just taking it gently at the moment.
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Jennifer – I am praying of you in your chronic pain and the anniversary of your late husbands passing. Quite a bit all at once. Yes, loss and grief all bundled together.
You happen to hit me on a week where I have felt great disappointment. You are so right it is layer upon layer, and all wrapped up with expectations, and that didn’t come about. As I look closer, thanks to your post, I see it is a deeper wound than I first realized. Unfulfilled hope from a dream of long ago.
Your post will help me put things into perspective and move forward.
Thank you for your words and sharing with Grace & Truth.
Blessings and Prayers, Maree
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Thank you Maree, I’m saddened to hear that you too are experiencing disappointment at the moment but greatly encouraged that you have worked through the layers & found the core issue.
May you know His comfort & direction as you move from this place…
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This is so spot on in its raw truth and the path to take, Jennifer. The expectations can sometimes slip in unnoticed or at the very least the significance or level of those expectations. Then when disappointment comes crashing down we see clearly what we had failed to notice. Too often it can mean we are disappointed with God, ourselves, or someone who is significant to us.
I hear you in what you have shared here personally about your own wrestling with disappointment. I hear you about being bushwhacked by the pain of fibromyalgia once again. I hear you and ask the Lord to be there so many thousands of miles away with the gentlest of touches and the most gracious of words.
Hugs,
Pam
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Thank you Pam, I appreciate your kind words & thoughts ♥
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♥ Thanks for what you wrote.
Though I walk through the gloomy vale
Where death and all its terrors are,
My heart and hope shall never fail,
For God my Shepherd’s with me there.
Amidst the darkness and the deeps
Thou art my comfort, thou my stay;
Thy staff supports my feeble steps,
Thy rod directs my doubtful way.
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You’re welcome Aritha, what a beautiful poem! Thank you for sharing that 😀
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Thank you for being so open in your sharing. It so encourages me to keep pressing into Jesus. May God be such a balm to you in the midst of such pain, sorrow and loss. And may the love you have showered upon us here return to you in manifold blessings- in glimpses of God’s Presence WITH you, in big and small ways, throughout your day.
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Thank you for your kind words & blessing! They’re greatly appreciated 😀
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Goodness, Jennifer, you’re right. It’s hardly ever what we see on the surface. Thank you for unpacking the reasons so that I could be reminded to do the same when I get disappointed too. I pray you will find enjoy some beautiful memories of your husband and the anniversary will be one of joy for you. Please be gentle with yourself as you hope and grieve. Give yourself space and permission to do both as God leads.
Blessings always,
Marva | SunSparkleShine
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Thank you Marva for your kind advice 🙂
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Praying for you, my friend! I hope you were able to give yourself grace and space to feel the feelings and count the loss but also remember the blessings! You are so right… it is rarely (if ever!) really about the surface stuff… there is almost always a deeper issue!
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Thank you Karrileea, I appreciate your prayers :-D.
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I hadn’t consciously connected disappointment with unmet expectations, but I see now that that’s exactly what disappointments are. It’s good to examine them, as you did, so we can bring them before the Lord rather than just living with vague feelings.
You had quite a pile-up of them all at once. I don’t have fibro, but I have friends who do. I have other issues that seem to hinder my schedule and energy, so I empathize. I hope this flare-up is brief and you feel as good as possible again soon.
I’m so sorry about the loss of your husband and pray for God’s comfort and grace.
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Thank you Barbara, I have some beautiful memories 😀
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Thank you, Jennifer. So astute – that beneath our disappointment lies multiple layers and identifying them helps us to move forward.
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You’re welcome Pam, I’m glad it was helpful for you 😀
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You know how God sometimes speaks through repeated messages from various sources? That’s your post. It’s probably the third or fourth thing I’ve read this week about disappointment and unmet expectations. I’m realizing it’s a control issue… It’s a false belief that I know better; I know how things should turn out. Oh, how patient our Father is with me – a slow learner! Thank you for sharing so openly. I appreciate your “peeling back the layers” exercise.
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Yes Jana, I do understand. I’m so glad that He has used our reflection time together to open a time of healing for you with Him 😀
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Jennifer, I know all too well how Fibromyalgia can cause so much pain and disappointment. I am currently recovering from spinal surgery due to a ruptured disc all caused by good ole fibro. I am praying for you on the anniversary of your husband’s death. I think secretly your body knew this day was coming and because it weighed so heavily on you it has thrown you into a flare. Please know that you are not alone. If you find you need a friend to talk to or just someone who knows what you are going through with your chronic disease please contact me.
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Angela, thank you for your kind words & concern, yes you are correct in a way that our subconscious does have a memory, you may be interested in my reflection Life after Trauma
I hope your recovery is swift, that’s a big surgical procedure to go through & I’m saddened to hear you too deal with Fibromyalgia, we do know what each other deals with day to day. Praying with you new friend.
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This was so pertinent to me, and I deeply appreciate your teaching on disappointment.
I don’t see a subscribe button and would like to hear more from you.
Please may i have posts by email?
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Hi Mary,
I’m so glad that this reflection was helpful to you & Thank you for your kind encouragement 😀
I have sent you a subscription invitation to your email address. Just follow the prompts.
The follower button is normally positioned at the bottom of the screen but it is quite small 🙂
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Hi Jennifer – I am so sorry I guess my comment that I featured you didn’t post. I remember writing it, but quite honestly I have had the flu so I probably never hit post comment. I am glad you saw it.
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It’s totally okay, absolutely no worries Maree, I am both honored & delighted to be featured on Grace & Truth Link Up. I hope you get well soon! ♥
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I’ve been struggling with health issues related to toxic metals and mold for several years. Summer is usually my worse times. I empathize with you in your disappointment of starting to get better and then going backwards. I can only imagine how difficult that is to add traumatic loss to your health issues. May our gentle Savior carry and encourage you.
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I’m saddened to hear you have chronic health issues too Deb. His strength is our joy! 😀
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Just the encouraging words I needed to day, dear Jennifer… Sending healing thoughts and love to you!
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I’m so glad Bette, thank you sweet friend ♥
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Disappointment is such a difficult thing to navigate, isn’t it? I have found that, at the root, disappointment is all about ‘self’, that piece of us that wants stuff for itself and not others. That inward looking ‘self’ gets ours eyes off Jesus and then before we know it we are going down.
The only antidote I know of is when disappointment hits, to look to Jesus and help others. When I give of myself I have nothing to give to ‘self’ and that’s a good thing. By doing this we follow in His footsteps and will find joy and peace returning.
But at the very root, you nailed it, “Yet, during this time of chronic illness I have been so blessed with such a richness & deeper understanding to my spiritual life & relationship in Christ then ever before.” That is what it is all about. Not that we suffer, but through the suffering we come closer to Jesus and gain in empathy for others. Therein lies beauty.
Thank you for this post.
Blessings,
Homer Les,
http://www.uncompromisingfaith.ca
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Yes Homer Les it’s about our relationship with Him & the journey to a deeper understanding & experience within that relationship. 😀
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Hi Jennifer, I soooo feel your pain. I too have fibromyalgia that has affected my whole body, especially my feet. I forget that brain fog is also a component of this disease. Sharing about the impact of disapointment is a big help. Thank you.
God has shown me the power of mental strongholds in my life, which are often built by dissapointments. I wrote a book describing how God has been freeing me of many strongholds. Growing up in an abusive home and then marrying an abusive first husband was the stress that led to fibromyalgia. I suspected that children who are abused have a higher percentage of develping fibromyalgia. This was verified by a doctor who studied fibroyalgia for her degree and discovered that all the fibromyalgia cases had a history of abuse. So, as God has been healing me, I have improved. Though, you are right, when I face stress of any kind, which in reality is dissapointment from unmet expectations, I get a flare-up.
The current flare-up was from my stressing over not being a Queen with many servants to do her work. I complained about this for hours as I did my chores in pain. This of course, increased my emotional stress, but alas, I found peace in being thankful instead. My true dissapointment was that my husband would not be more helpful to me. Though he was helpful as much as he could. Finding something to be thankful for in the midst of our dissapointment helps releive the stress that causes fibromyalgia flare-ups and restores peace in our souls.
Sorry my response is so long.
Joyce
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Joyce, I’m saddened to hear you too live with Fibromyalgia & that you have suffered a history of abuse.
Though I am encouraged to hear that you’re working through the past hurt & pain with the Lord & are willing to do so. Bless you!
Be kind to yourself my new friend ♥
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❤ Sending caring thoughts your way. Thanks you for sharing this thought provoking post.
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Thank you for your kindness, it’s greatly appreciated. I’m glad that you found it thought provoking 😀
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I am so sorry for your loss, and for your fibro flare-up. I too have fibro and its pain is truly relentless. I will be lifting you up in my prayers.
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Stopping by again to say thanks for linking up with us at the GATHERING OF FRIENDS LINK PARTY 4. Sharing.
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A pleasure Sylvia 😀
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Thank you for your prayers, they are appreciated. Sylvia, I’m saddened to hear you too have chronic pain & Fibromyalgia. Sending gentle hugs to you 🙂
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Oh, I can relate! I have had Fibromyalgia from childhood although it was only diagnosed about 10 years ago. I worked until 2 years ago. Energy has become more valuable than time or money. And the good days usually follow with some disappointment, because without realizing it, I guess I always hope that I am getting better. So sorry for the loss of your husband. Sending prayers! Many Thanks 8)
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You’re right Debra wealth such as energy & less pain gives such richness to those of us living with Fibromyalgia. Lovely to have you drop by. 😀
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