Our topic for today is an interesting one & one that affects us all. You see we all view others through certain lenses & how this impacts our relationship with them will depend on the emotional lens we choose to use.

But first let’s grab our cuppa’s, a treat & get comfy for our time together. I’m enjoying a mug of Café Latté today with a home baked gf Muesli Cookie. What’s yours my friend?

As I was grappling with some new technology the other day, due to the recent shut down of the 3G network here in Australia. My new Senior’s Smart phone gave me several options for colours that I could use to view data.

As I tried each option & viewed the effects, I was struck just how different each colour affected what I was viewing.

This had me thinking about the various coloured lenses that we choose to view Others through in relationship to them.

Relationships whether friendships, work colleagues, family or romantic are ones that we definitely view through emotionally charged lenses either positively or negatively. Especially if we have been hurt, rejected or are walking in any type of resentment from past similar relationships.

Emotionally Coloured Lenses

These lenses develop from circumstances that have been emotionally charged,  these circumstances can either be joyful or hurtful. For today’s refection we’ll be focusing upon the development of the hurt fuelled lenses. 

Maybe the hurt came by another’s actions or inactions & may not have necessarily been a deliberate act on their part (they may have been absolutely clueless) but none the less it deeply hurt you for whatever reason.

Since then you may not have been able to forgive that person for the emotional pain that you experienced.

But here’s the problem with holding onto emotional pain, unforgiveness, anger or resentment it will bind & fixate you to that hurt & to the person you hold responsible for that hurt while they go happily on their merry way.

And it will continue to bind you to that event & time period until you release it.

Unforgiveness & resentment hold us captive to that emotional hurt

And all relationships will be tainted by that unforgiveness. Because unforgiveness doesn’t stagnate it morphs.

The Morphing Process

Have you ever come across a bitter person? I have & I can tell you that bitterness is very unpleasant to be around!

Let’s look at this more closely with the following statement from Dr Leon Seltzer in an article from Psychology Today…

“…Stephen Diamond, Ph.D., defines bitterness as “a chronic and pervasive state of smoldering resentment,” and regards it as “one of the most destructive and toxic of human emotions.”

If we repeatedly ruminate over how we’ve been victimized, “nursing” wrongs may eventually come to define some essential part of who we are. Take hold of our very personality. We’ll end up becoming victims not so much of anyone else but of ourselves.” Ref

Unforgiveness morphs into resentment which morphs into bitterness.

“And bitterness is one of the most destructive & toxic of human emotions.” 

Professionally I’ve had many people come for counselling over an emotional hurt that they had been impacted by & conversely those whose significant Other would not forgive or reconcile after such hurt.

And in my personal life I’ve been on the receiving end of another’s bitterness over a past hurt they had experienced. And let me tell you it was very toxic & destructive not only to them but the tentacles of bitterness grew & impacted Others around them!

You see bitterness leaves a path of destruction in its wake & if left unchecked it will leave a very sad & lonely legacy behind not only for the embittered person but for those who love them. 

Attempts at Reconciliation 

Bitterness can become so entrenched that as Dr Diamond stated above it will take hold of that person’s very personality…they end up becoming victims not so much of anyone else but of themselves!

You see nurturing a hurt produces a malignant growth of resentment which can be likened to cancer, that will eventually spread turning a once dynamic life into an embittered life .

And then sadly any attempt at reconciliation from those who may have caused or have perceived to have caused that hurt will be ignored, blocked or brushed aside. 

The need to detox

If you see yourself here as the One who has held onto hurt, no matter how big or small & know its morphing or has already morphed into toxic emotions & believe me it will my friend.

Then its time for an emotional detox. And there’s no time like the present to start that detoxification process right now.

And before you think;

‘Jennifer you don’t know what you’re asking’. 

I can tell you my friend that I have been at the cross roads of choosing to hold on to emotional pain or release it several times throughout my life. More shared in The Truth behind the Mask.

But each time I stood at that cross roads I realized that one road led to the death of my unique personality & the other road led to new growth & maturity in who God created me to be!

How to Detox in practical ways

The first thing to do is go to a place where you can be alone with God. Next ask God to help you to give up that hurt that you’re so tightly hanging onto, which is actually killing your very personality!

Then either verbally forgive the person who hurt you out loud with God in your own private space or write down the hurt on paper & then burn that paper as a physical symbol that you have truly released it to the Lord as a sweet smelling sacrifice of surrender.

Then allow God to fill that space within with His Holy Spirit’s peace & forgiveness that passes all understanding.

And when memories come to mind of that past hurt, just remind yourself that God has already taken that hurt & pain, no longer is it your’s to hang onto nor does it have any hold over you!

For we are implored to,

“Let all bitterness, anger, rage, bad temper, resentment, quarreling & malice of any kind be released… becoming kind, tender hearted, compassionate,  understanding,  forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you.”

Ephesians 5: 31-32

Until next time,

Jennifer

You’re most welcome to join me in The Reading Nook

or in Prayer

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© 2024 Jennifer M. Ross, All Rights Reserved. Photos by Maria Ovchinnikova pexels.com

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