Hi ya! Come on in we are going to have a delightful time together with a cuppa in hand.
Today we are reflecting upon perceptions & expectations in relationships!
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the above statement, “They’ve got my back!”, which always concerns me, as a certain dynamic is at play here.
Let’s grab our cuppa’s & get settled, mine is a Ginger & Apple herbal tea. I also have a delicious mini gf Lamington as a treat.
Let me ask you a question of the above photo on the right,
What color do you see the Azalea blooms to be?
Let me know your answer in the comments below, I’m interested to know because color perceptions are unique to each person.
My hubby perceives these to be one color & I perceive them to be another.
We have different color perceptions which is something we have noticed since being together.
However this perceptual difference can also be seen in other areas of our relationship.
As in any relationship whether it be martial, familial or friendship perceptions will vary & differ for each individual within the dynamics of the relationship.
For we develop our perceptions throughout life through our unique family backgrounds, cultural heritage, education, personality, spiritual beliefs, emotional development & life experience.
I’ve had many discussions both personally & professionally throughout the years on perceptual difference.
These variations can cause a great deal of misunderstanding, heartbreak & communication break down in relationships.
Because most relationships develop through attraction to like minded people, who have something in common through certain held beliefs.
Such as political, spiritual, cultural backgrounds or interests but each individual will also bring something unique to the relationship.
Therefore, as we believe the Other has similar values, ethical standards or ways of doing things we can mistakenly think they perceive & understand our set of values that we place upon the relationship.
Especially in the role we see them playing.
Now those of us who have been married or in a relationship at any stage in our life know that the Language of relationships… can be vastly different to what we first believed.
Which can lead to all types of misunderstandings.
Likewise, individualized perceptions can do the same, as in the title of this reflection,”They’ve got my back!”.
The expectations of that statement are huge!
One person is expecting the Other person to defend, support, assist & unconditionally be there for them in every situation.
But what does that mean in real terms?
Blind loyalty?
Unconditional support, but what does that look like?
Does it mean they are expected to defend you even when they believe you’re in the wrong or may have no idea of the circumstances surrounding what they are expected to defend?
What does it actually mean to them?
Do they even know you have this expectation in the relationship?
Are you expecting them to distance or cut off mutual friends or family members when you have been offended, hurt or rejected by those people?
Have you thought about what their core values & principles may be for relationships?
&
What is God calling them to do in the relationship?
You see we take many things for granted thinking the other person already knows how we think & what we expect.
But often they don’t.
Or they may perceive something entirely different on the same value, principle or expectation.
Like hubby & I on the color of the Azalea blooms.
We are both looking at the same plant, in the same garden, in the same light at the same moment but hubby perceives light red & I deep apricot!
And each of us believe the color we are perceiving is correct because we see through our individualized perception.
I learnt long ago that there’s only One who truly has my back & that is my Heavenly Father.
Because put simply, people are fallible they will let us down & we them!
But our Heavenly Father’s assurance is…
“…He will give His Angels charge concerning you, to guard you wherever you go!”
Psalm 91:11
Don’t place an impossible expectation on your spouse, friend or loved one to always have your back, when only the Creator God can fulfill that role my friend.
Until next time,
Jennifer
You’re most welcome to join me in The Reading Nook
Or in Prayer
© 2019 Jennifer M. Ross, teawithjennifer.blog. All Rights Reserved & Pexels.com
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I see coral, Jennifer! And yes, I completely agree – our perceptions influence so much of life. I also think we add a lens of personal perspective – no wonder there are so many views and opinions! Great post!
Coral seems to be the most popular color perception Deb 😀 Yes, it takes love & understating to see through the perceptions of others. 😉
I see coral which seems to be a compromise between the two of you. I think these conflicts abound in any relationship. It takes real maturity to accept that both people may be right.
Coral, thank you. Absolutely Elizabeth, this is just a fun exercise with the color of the Azalea, as hubby & I agree to disagree & have a good laugh about it.
The acceptance of differing perceptions & expectations of each other in any relationship definitely takes maturity to work out 😀
Good thing we pledge to be in it for the long haul.
Yes it is Elizabeth 😀
Thank you for these great thoughts, Jennifer. Truly, only God can guard our hearts and back. Recently, He reminded me of the Scripture that He will “be our rearguard” and I was touched so deeply to think of His great protection. It is so easy to depend on people for that, when we should be depending on God. I needed these thoughts today, Dear Friend. God is my protector! Love and blessings to you!
P.S. I see the flowers as deep salmon colored. 🙂
Deep Salmon, thank you Bettie! Yes, that’s a great point… dependence on God not people!
Lovely having you drop by my dear friend 😀
Expectations can be relationship and moral killers. Good reminder. laurensparks.net
Yes, they definitely can Lauren! Lovely having you drop by 😀
Interesting, Jennifer. 🙂 I see a rosy pink! I’m so grateful God has our back! Love and blessings to you!
Rosy pink, thank you Trudy! I’m glad He has our back too 😀
Jennifer, I so agree. I have never used that statement that someone has my back. I learned a long time ago that people will disappoint me as I do them. I try to give my expectations to God. Thank you for always pointing to the truth of scripture. I see the azaleas as coral.
Coral thank you Pam. Yes, giving our expectations to God is the best way to go my dear friend 😀
Thank you for reminding me to think about the expectations I put on others. I see this so much in my marriage, but it’s true in every relationship. I’m grateful for the reminder so I can shift my thinking closer to God’s.
You’re most welcome Rebecca, I think we can go into automatic thought processing with expectations & not recognize what we are actually doing to the Other person 😉
I see coral Jennifer. Life sure does teach us a lot about our expectations in relationships!
Coral Brigid, okay thank you. Yes it definitely does!
Lovely having you drop by 😀
I often wonder about perception and how it affects SO MUCH of what we think. And it’s almost impossible to verify how another is seeing and perceiving. However, communication goes a long way…
Yes Michele it does color an enormous amount of how we think, act & react. Communication does go along way to understand the Other. Lovely having you drop by 😀
Um … I see coral!
Jennifer, you’ve served up since fascinating observations about our often unspoken expectations.
I’m off to re-read this once again …
Thanks for kicking my day off with much food for thought.
You’re welcome Linda! Coral, okay thank you 😀