Welcome! We are sitting at the waterfront today.
Watching the Sailing Club with their boats out on the bay racing around the point & back.
Sipping iced tea & munching on a variety of treats.
I had a conversation recently with a lady who was lamenting over the fact that her & her husband rarely speak the same language.
She was talking about the communication gap that they often experience as a couple.
I think we can all relate to the following scenario.
Sharing your soul
You’re happily talking to your partner & you know exactly what your trying to convey.
So, you look over at them to see if they’re listening & have really heard what you’ve said.
But your partner gives you that blank look, you know that blank look, that tells you they have absolutely no idea what your talking about!
Or worse still, the wounded look which tells you they have heard what you said, completely misunderstood & taken offense! Huh?
Now it’s your turn to be gobbed smacked (mouth open in disbelief)!
How could they possibly not understand a word of what you just said & taken offence as well! Hmmmm!
The language of relationships are not always plain sailing, are they?
Especially in those seasons that are busy or bring extra tension with them.
The dynamics of communication can get awfully choppy, even stormy at times & at other times it can go into the doldrums with no fresh breeze of understanding to move forward.
Dialects within Relationships
Let me personalize this…
My husband Steve & I are both Australian born & have the same cultural heritage & spiritual relationship, our main spoken language is English.
However we speak two different dialects, his is called Stevenese & mine is Jenniferese!
These dialects are forged throughout our lives through the lenses of personality, character, familial culture in childhood, gender differences, life experiences, perceptions, beliefs & world views.
Having these two vastly differing dialects in the relationship can be challenging at times leading to crosswinds, confusing the direction of our chartered course.
There is also the language of behaviour which is a non verbal communication that we are not consciously aware but is picked up by our perceptive partner.
Let me explain this…
Language of Behaviour
Steve & I are what would be described as a quieter couple, he is mostly a listener & processor who enjoys his own company.
I too am a listener & processor who also enjoys time to myself, as well as socializing.
However, I can get too caught up in my own quiet thoughts of analyzing, processing, reflecting on all things in life (a legacy of my Clinical Counseling career).
This can be a signal to my husband that I’m a bit too quiet & I’m trying to work out something that is concerning me.
Where he can have a tendency to process his thoughts through the colored lense of a glass half empty viewpoint which in turn signals to me that he is concerned about an issue.
Solution…
“He caused the storm to be still, so that the waves of the sea were hushed.
Then they were quiet; So He guided them to their desired haven.
Let them give thanks to the Lord for His loving kindness…”
In the years we have been a couple we have purposely looked to God for his guidance in our relationship & stilled ourselves long enough to really listen, hear & understand what the other is saying.
In both verbal & non verbal languages.
Which is very important in growing together as a couple for a smoother sailing experience in life.
We know that this growing process will continue throughout our life together, as life in all its complexities can majorly impact any couple with adjustments needed along the way.
We have also grown to appreciate the positive aspects of each others dialects, behaviour & the unique dynamic we have as a couple.
This helps us to work as a team while sailing to our guided destination in Him.
So dear friend let me ask you the following questions;
Are you purposefully learning to understand a Significant Other’s dialect?
How is that going?
Until next time,
Jennifer
You’re most welcome to join me in The Reading Nook
Or
In Prayer
© 2019 Jennifer M. Ross, teawithjennifer.blog All Rights Reserved. Photo by pexels.com
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This is a great post! One of my favorite scriptures is James 1:19 which says, “Know this, my beloved brothers: Everyone must be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger.” That short verse reminds me of the value in actively listening when my husband is trying to communicate something. However, I never stopped to think about non-verbal cues. Thank you so much for this.
You’re most welcome Heatherjo 😀 it has been lovely to have you drop by.
Hi, Jennifer. I can really relate to your Stevenese & Jenniferese! 🙂 Today at Bible Study, I referred to hubby Dan and myself as “Salt & Pepper.” After 53+ years of marriage, I find we are still a winning combination. I’m the quiet one, the peacemaker, while Dan has strong opinions about everything, I try my best to be a good listener and appreciate his need to verbalize his world. I verbalize mine mainly on paper. I thank the Lord for His loving kindness in all ways–especially for a wise and loving spouse. I totally agree that non-verbal communication is as important as the words we speak. ❤ Thoroughly enjoyed your wonderful post. Blessings and love, my friend.
Hi Bette,
I like your term “salt & pepper” both accompany each other, one preserves & adds taste while the other spices it up! Great analogy! 😀
Yes, I’m one who writes her thoughts out more than verbalizing them too. ♥
Good thoughts. It takes a lot of effort to learn to “hear” each other. Maybe more marriages would last if young people realized that this is normal.
Thank you Heather. Lovely having you drop by 😀
What a great post, Jennifer! My husband and I will celebrate 46 years of marriage next month. Our communication has grown so deeply over the years. I love to hear his thoughts and he is a wonderful listener. It didn’t happen overnight but years of trust and really being in tune with each other’s needs and personalities make a big difference.
Thank you! A milestone wedding anniversary for you both Pam! 😀
Yes, it does take time learning each others dialects but so very worthwhile!
Great advice that I totally concur with Jennifer! I have seen the waves of communication ebb & flow over the years (we’ve been married 40 years,) even as the seasons in our lives change. Those changing circumstances call for a change in our communication patterns also, as health and time constraints weigh against us. But I am so glad that those Scriptures you shared are so true! Jesus does speak peace to the waves, and He helps us to pause and really listen to the other. Thank you so much for sharing these words today. Blessings to you!
Hi Bettie,
Thank you for your kind words! It’s very true all things that go with aging can definitely effect the communication with our special loved one. Lovely having you drop by 😀
Great post! I am right there with you. My hubby and I had to grow into our communication too. When we were first married, it was like we were speaking different languages. Now we listen to each other and to God, and the communication is much better. We have been married for over 40 years!
40 years 😀 That’s definitely something to celebrate Laurie!
I count on our basic good intentions towards each other. We pray regularly when conflict arises, counting on God as the most important third member of our marriage. Early in our marriage our pastor encouraged us to put the problem in front of us as we sat together and looked at it rather than putting it between us. That advice has been immeasurably helpful.
I like that image Elizabeth! Before you rather than between you, what wise advice! God is a great mediator 😀
What a lovely post Jennifer! It really does take effort to make sure we communicate on a level that is beneficial for both members of a couple, but as you said, if we look to God, and really take the time to be still and listen, it can be done.
Thank you Terri, its that intentional consideration for each other in God isn’t it 😀
I enjoyed your post very much! I agree with all you say (and got a laugh, too), but I have an additional issue. Hubs’ hearing is at 40%, so we work harder than “normal” to understand our quirks and personalities while trying not to get angry about constant repeat requests, misunderstandings due to limited hearing, etc. A sense of humor sure helps a lot! 🙂
Ohhh! I so get what you’re saying Kim, my hearing apparently has declined lately especially when there’s background noise, as my hubby needs to repeat himself! I’m in total denial on this off course because I think his voice has gone quieter! Lol! 😉
Very well said, Jennifer, and I could not agree more after 54 years of marriage and counting!! The photos are stunning and so inviting as we anticipate a major winter storm in the next few days with 8-13 inches of snow and frigid temperatures and winds. That kind of winter is not so unusual for us, but we had such a mild fall up through December that it is giving us a jolt. Enjoy your summer!! Blessings!❤️
Thank you Pam, I feel cooler just reading how cold it is there where you are! We have a heat wave across our country at the moment…such extremes!