Marriage · Psychology · Relationships

Language of relationships…

Welcome! We are sitting at the waterfront today.

Watching the Sailing Club with their boats out on the bay racing around the point & back.

Sipping iced tea & munching on a variety of treats.

I had a conversation recently with a lady who was lamenting over the fact that her & her husband rarely speak the same language.

She was talking about the communication gap that they often experience as a couple.

I think we can all relate to the following scenario.

Sharing your soul

You’re happily talking to your partner & you know exactly what your trying to convey.

So, you look over at them to see if they’re listening & have really heard what you’ve said.

But your partner gives you that blank look, you know that blank look, that tells you they have absolutely no idea what your talking about!

Or worse still, the wounded look which tells you they have heard what you said, completely misunderstood & taken offense! Huh?

Now it’s your turn to be gobbed smacked (mouth open in disbelief)!

How could they possibly not understand a word of what you just said & taken offence as well! Hmmmm!

The language of relationships are not always plain sailing, are they?

Especially in those seasons that are busy or bring extra tension with them.

The dynamics of communication can get awfully choppy, even stormy at times & at other times it can go into the doldrums with no fresh breeze of understanding to move forward.

white sailboat on body of water under white sky during daytime

Dialects within Relationships

Let me personalize this…

My husband Steve & I are both Australian born & have the same cultural heritage & spiritual relationship, our main spoken language is English.

However we speak two different dialects, his is called Stevenese & mine is Jenniferese!

These dialects are forged throughout our lives through the lenses of personality, character, familial culture in childhood, gender differences, life experiences, perceptions, beliefs & world views.

Having these two vastly differing dialects in the relationship can be challenging at times leading to crosswinds, confusing the direction of our chartered course.

There is also the language of behaviour which is a non verbal communication that we are not consciously aware but is picked up by our perceptive partner.

Let me explain this…

Language of Behaviour

Steve & I are what would be described as a quieter couple, he is mostly a listener & processor who enjoys his own company.

I too am a listener & processor who also enjoys time to myself, as well as socializing.

However, I can get too caught up in my own quiet thoughts of analyzing, processing, reflecting on all things in life (a legacy of my Clinical Counseling career).

This can be a signal to my husband that I’m a bit too quiet & I’m trying to work out something that is concerning me.

Where he can have a tendency to process his thoughts through the colored lense of a glass half empty viewpoint which in turn signals to me that he is concerned about an issue.


“He caused the storm to be still, so that the waves of the sea were hushed.

Then they were quiet; So He guided them to their desired haven.

Let them give thanks to the Lord for His loving kindness…” 

Psalms 107: 29-31 Refer 2

In the years we have been a couple we have purposely looked to God for his guidance in our relationship & stilled ourselves long enough to really listen, hear & understand what the other is saying.

In both verbal & non verbal languages.

Which is very important in growing together as a couple for a smoother sailing experience in life.

We know that this growing process will continue throughout our life together, as life in all its complexities can majorly impact any couple with adjustments needed along the way.

We have also grown to appreciate the positive aspects of each others dialects, behaviour & the unique dynamic we have as a couple.

This helps us to work as a team while sailing to our guided destination in Him. 

So dear friend let me ask you the following questions;

Are you purposefully learning to understand a Significant Other’s dialect?

How is that going?

Until next time,


You’re most welcome to join me in The Reading Nook


In Prayer

© 2019 Jennifer M. Ross, All Rights Reserved. Photo by

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36 thoughts on “Language of relationships…

  1. I’ve never been a big talker myself. But that’s mostly because I like to be alone., actually I am alone most of the time. When I used to visit my sister out of state she would ask me why I wouldn’t talk. I replied that I loved the sound of her voice rather than my own.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Jeff and I have had a few conversations lately where I’ve used phrases that really feel foreign to him, even though they’re plain English. lol. So I get what you’re saying. Even though we also have very similar cultural and spiritual backgrounds, there is still room for miscommunication, and we definitely need God to help bridge any gaps.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. A great post and yes, communication is key. Married for 33 years and communication has changed through the years, for the better. Thanks for linking up.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Great post Jennifer! “Our main spoken language is English. However, we speak two different dialects, his is called Stevenese and mine is Jenniferese!” The example of your relationship dialects made me laugh out loud. Thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I became certified to teach Don and Katie Fortune’s Discover Your Spiritual Gifts – and they have a book for couples – which is really about how the spiritual gifts speak to each other. Between that and the 5 Love Language Book – they have made a world of difference in how I respond to everyone, including my husband. For example, my husband’s an administrator/server who needs to depressurize after work – and I am bursting with all the things I want to tell him – so we’ve compromised. He gets his depressurization time – and then I have time to tell him all the things I’ve been hoarding to share with him all day long! LOL Yes – we definitely each do have a differently dialect – but God has been able to disarm those gifts as weapons in our marriage – and turn them into blessings! We could sit over tea and all good things and talk about this topic and have a delightful time!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Neither me or my husband are big talkers either. We definitely can keep a conversation going but we don’t feel we have to at all times. I’m grateful we speak the same language most of the time. But even when we don’t, thanks for this reminder to lean in to purposefully understand each other.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Hi Jennifer, lovely post, and so relevant to any married couple. Definitely a great encouragement to me. I’m visiting from Lyli’s bloghop. Glad I found you there.
    God bless

    Liked by 1 person

  8. My husband and I have shared many a laugh, and the occasional tear, over our different languages. One thing that we try to let us guide our processing is alway always always assume the best of the other person knowing that we love each other.

    Liked by 1 person

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