Welcome! We are sitting in a waterfront garden today.
I have some iced tea with a platter of savory treats to share.
There is a beautiful cool breeze & shaded area to sit under on this hot Aussie summer’s day, the Sailing Club with their sail boats are out on the bay in a race around the point & back.
So let’s sip our iced tea & munch on a variety of cheeses, strawberries, grapes & a pumpkin, sweet chilli & cashew dip with rice crackers as we watch the race & reflect upon today’s musings.
I had a conversation recently with a lady who was lamenting the fact that her & her husband rarely speak the same language.
She was talking about the communication gap that they often experience as a couple. I think we can all relate to the following scenario.
Sharing your soul
You’re happily talking to your partner & you know exactly what your trying to convey.
So, you look over at them to see if they’re listening & have really heard what you’ve said.
But your partner gives you that blank look, you know that blank look, that tells you they have absolutely no idea what your talking about!
Or worse still, the wounded look which tells you they have heard what you said, completely misunderstood & taken offense! Huh?
Now it’s your turn to be gobbed smacked (mouth open in disbelief)!
How could they possibly not understand a word of what you just said & taken offence as well! Hmmmm!
The language of relationships are not always plain sailing, are they?
The dynamics of the water can get awfully choppy, even stormy at times & at other times it can go into the doldrums with no fresh breeze of understanding to move forward.
Dialects within Relationships
Let me personalize this…
My husband Steve & I are both Australian born & have the same cultural heritage & spiritual relationship, our main spoken language is English.
However we speak two different dialects, his is called Stevenese & mine is Jenniferese!
These dialects are forged throughout our lives through the lenses of personality, character, familial culture in childhood, gender differences, life experiences, perceptions, beliefs & world views.
Having these two vastly differing dialects in the relationship can be challenging at times leading to crosswinds, confusing the direction of our chartered course.
There is also the language of behaviour which is a non verbal communication that we are not consciously aware of but can be picked up by our perceptive partner.
Let me explain this…
Language of Behaviour
Steve & I are what would be described as a quieter couple, he is mostly a listener & processor who enjoys his own company.
I too am a listener & processor who also enjoys time to myself, as well as socializing.
However, I can get too caught up in my own quiet thoughts of analyzing, processing, reflecting on all things in life (partly a legacy of my Clinical Counseling career).
This can be a signal to my husband that I’m a bit too quiet & I’m trying to work out something that is concerning me.
Where he can have a tendency to process his thoughts through the colored lense of a glass half empty scope which in turn signals to me that he is concerned about an issue.
“He caused the storm to be still, so that the waves of the sea were hushed.
Then they were quiet; So He guided them to their desired haven.
Let them give thanks to the Lord for His loving kindness…”
In the years we have been a couple we have purposely looked to God for his guidance in our relationship & stilled ourselves long enough to really listen, hear & understand what the other is saying.
In both verbal & non verbal languages. Which is very important in growing together as a couple for a smoother sailing experience in our life.
We know that this growing process will continue throughout our life together, as life in all its complexities can majorly impact any couple & adjustments are needed along our chartered course.
We have also grown to appreciate the positive aspects of each others dialects, behaviour & the unique dynamic we have as a couple.
This helps us to work as a team while sailing to our guided destination in Him.
So dear friend let me ask you the following questions;
Are you purposefully learning to understand a Significant Other’s dialect for a smoother sailing experience in your relationship?
How is that going?
Until next time,
You’re most welcome to join me in The Reading Nook
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