Recently, I experienced some rather demanding & manipulative behaviour from an unexpected source. So I thought we would reflect upon this today as I know this can happen to anyone.

But first let’s grab our cuppas, a treat & get comfy. Today I’m having a Caramel Latté with a slice of homebaked toasted gf Date Loaf. What are you having my friend?

Now we’re comfy, let’s begin…

What is a demand & manipulation?

I think before we go any further it would be beneficial to have a definition of what a demand is, it’s;

‘an insistent and peremptory request, made as a right‘

And a definition of what manipulation is, it’s;

‘controlling someone or something for your own advantage‘

Hmmm…

So let’s put these two definitions together;

A demand is an insistant request, made as a right, to control someone.

Setting the Scene

Those who join me here often, will be aware that I live with several automimmune conditions which have caused Chronic health issues & while these can be limiting, I am determined to live my best life within this season.

However, one limitation that has occurred is the inability, most days, to take or make a phone call.  I’m fine with text messaging, emails or any writing task to keep in contact with family & friends until we can meet in the flesh. But talking or listening on the phone is just too overwhelming.

Now you may be thinking at this point, why on earth can’t Jennifer do phone calls, well it all has to do with Neurological overloading & energy levels.

Research has found that only one area of the brain works when communicating by a digital device which actually overloads that one area & with low energy levels already in trying to live a normal life, there just isn’t energy for any overload!

That’s why phone calls & Video chats are often exhausting for many people with Chronic health conditions & even those who are healthier – because the brain goes into overload.

As that one area of the brain is having to do all the work, where face to face in the flesh interactions have eleven areas of the brain working simultaneously together, which means the load is shared & doesn’t cause such an overload in the brain.

The following quote is interesting;

“Remote interaction…eliminates the rich right-to-right brain linkage repeatedly found during naturalistic cross-brain studies that… transmit the partners’ non-verbal social cues and affective states,” the researchers wrote in the open access journal, NeuroImage. Ref

In other words in the flesh time with friends & family have many cues for the brain to pick up on to be able to navigate the interaction effectively. While a phone or Video call only has one cue which quickly overloads, overwhelms & exhausts the brain.

And it was in this area where the demands & manipulation were experienced.

You see insistantly demanding I take or make a phone call doesn’t go down well, especially when I have repeatedly explained the situation. To then attach a manipulation was quite an unpleasant experience.

How to handle demanding & manipulative behaviour…

First, let me point out that a request in itself is not a demand but once the request has been denied, for whatever reason, this should be respected. To persist with that request tips it over into a demand & a disrespecting of personal boundaries.

To throw a manipulation (in whatever form) in as well, fully leaps the demand over any personal boundary & not only further disrespects that person but becomes invasive.

So how did I handle such behaviour?

First, with the initial request I patiently explained the situation again with energy levels & lovingly denied the request by text, setting my personal boundary.

Secondly, I offered to meet up in the flesh over coffee, when it could be arranged between us, also setting a spatial boundary.

However, when the manipulation began (in a passive aggressive form) I found non engagement the best, especially when personal boundaries had clearly been overstepped.

Calmly maintaining a personal boundary is important in any attempt of manipulation.

Why non engagement? 

With manipulative behaviour, non engagement is often the best course of action. Because engaging with someone who is trying to manipulate you often escalates into an even more unpleasant situation.

You see manipulation cannot go any further with the wisdom of non engagement. And non engagement often speaks far louder than words to the one who is trying to manipulate you, demonstrating that they have overstepped the mark & you are not willing to go any further with them on the situation.

Then when the time is convenient for you, you can organise a time with them but be on guard!

This brings to mind Jesus words;

Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves. But be on guard against people… Matthew 10: 16-17

May we always have God’s wisdom when faced with challenging behaviours towards us.

Until next time,

Jennifer

You’re most welcome to join me in The Reading Nook

or in Prayer

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