Welcome my friend! It’s so lovely you could join me here for our time together.

Today as we enjoy our cuppa’s we will reflect upon Phobias & how they can impact lives.

But first let’s grab our cuppa’s & get comfy.

I’m having an old favourite today a mug of Earl Grey tea with a toasted slice of gf Mulberry & Coconut loaf. Delicious!

What are you having?

Phobias & Aversions

The definition of a Phobia is;

an extreme or irrational fear of or aversion to something.

The definition of an aversion is;

a strong dislike or disinclination.

Now we all can relate to having an aversion to something. Can’t we?

Maybe it’s creepy crawlies or snakes. Maybe it’s an aversion to heights or sharks when swimming at the beach.

I find heights challenging as shared in my post Tea on the 77th Floor .

But I also know how to overcome those initial reactions to compensate for that first rush of fear.

There are phobias & aversions to many things & I don’t think there’s a person on this planet that doesn’t have some type of aversion to something.

When we look at the statistics for aversions, the number one aversion in the world is food items!

And we can all relate to that, personally I have to be careful with all foods & beverages containing gluten because of Coeliac disease which has given me an aversion to certain food products that can cause havoc if digested.

I remember when my children were little & trying to get them to expand their taste palate, there were some foods that they just didn’t take to, so we had a rule that they had to at least try it & then could avoid that item for a year then give it another try.

Sometimes it worked & they found a year on they actually liked it & other times they just didn’t like that particular item.

Of course it was always the food groups that were healthy for them that they often didn’t like.

Now as adults with their own families they all eat healthily & are teaching their own children to have a broad taste palate.

I also remember when I was growing up my younger sister & I were allowed to leave a little mashed potato, if it was too much for us, after eating the other items of the meal on our dinner plate.

My sister didn’t like green peas that we often had with the meals containing mashed potato so she would bury her peas under the mashed potato LOL!

A rise in Phobias

However, the biggest increase in phobias in recent years has been in Social Anxiety, while this may be understandable as we are a post Pandemic society & it appears to go hand in hand with being more cautious in public places…I think it goes far beyond this!

We may have heard or read that this current generation while the most connected (by digital devices) are the loneliest generation that has ever been recorded in the history of recording.

I find this deeply sad…

However, I often observe people when they do meet face to face, can’t seem to leave their digital devices alone & are on their devices more then communicating with the person right in front of them!

And this phenomenon is not restricted to this generation for I have witnessed this behaviour in all ages!

Why do people chose to constantly be on their digital devices rather then socialising?

Well there can be a few reasons for this the top ones are;

1. An addiction to the digital phone.
2. FOMO.
3. A discomfort in the social setting, aka as Social Anxiety. So concentrating on the phone is more comforting then socialising.

As a Clinical Counsellor, I believe one perpetrates the other, in other words;

An addiction to the digital device + FOMO + Social Anxiety = the perfect storm!

Let me explain…

Through the years of CoVid lock downs we all had to rely on our digital devices to keep in contact with family & friends. Many needed their device to work from home & many children for school work.

While this was a blessing at the time, it also has had a flip side since restrictions lifted, everyone has become conditioned into using their digital devices far more then they normally would.

This actually has had a profound affect on the younger generations.

As interaction face to face in the flesh exercises the brain far more then any digital device which leads to less stress (I know it sounds a contradiction in terms).

Research has found that only one area of the brain works when communicating by a digital device which actually overloads that one area.

That’s why everyone gets exhausted so quickly on Video chats & calls.

For that one area in the brain is having to do all the work, where face to face in the flesh eleven areas of the brain are working simultaneously together, which means the load is shared & doesn’t cause an overload in the brain!

“Remote interaction, therefore, eliminates the rich right-to-right brain linkage repeatedly found during naturalistic cross-brain studies that are theorized to transmit the partners’ non-verbal social cues and affective states,” the researchers wrote in the open access journal, NeuroImage.

Simply put, video chatting makes it more challenging to pick up on many of the non-verbal signals like eye contact and facial expressions we rely on to understand how another person is feeling. This, in turn, can diminish empathy and other emotional connections that come naturally when conversing in real life. Ref

 This is concerning as key emotions for communication & interaction are not being exercised in the brain & the old adage comes to mind, if you don’t use it you lose it!

But what happens when children are not learning these valuable emotional connections? Simply put their brains don’t develop these connections!

In other words they are not being formed or if already developed are not being exercised to maintain those important emotional connections that are important areas of communication.

The brain needs to be constantly exercised to maintain it’s neural networks.

What can we do?

I believe awareness is the first step to change, now we’re aware we can take action!

Making a concerted effort to be present in the moment when we are with others in real life is the first step, put that digital phone or device away & don’t be tempted to look at it or touch it when we’re with someone.

They deserve the respect of our full attention & in turn everyone benefits.

Another thought; are we giving our spouse & children our full attention at home or are we being distracted by events, information, scrolling or watching things online?

A poignant question…don’t you think?

Let us be very mindful of the time we are on digital devices, especially as role models to our children & grandchildren.

Allowing children to have more face to face real life communication with others of varying ages, where we can be present with them, develops those all important areas of the brain for healthy emotional connection & development.

And we adults being present in social situations can continue to exercise those emotional connections we already have, so we don’t lose them!

And the following scripture comes to mind;

“Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives.”

Gal 5: 25 NLT

Let us not be controlled by our digital devices but by the Holy Spirit’s love & in showing that love to others through being mindful & present when we’re with them.

Until next time,

Jennifer

You’re also most welcome to join me in The Reading Nook

Or in Prayer

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