Family · Grief · Inspirational · Psychology · Spirituality

Why do I feel this way?

As I was watching a medical Documentry the other night, I asked myself the above question..

Because I found myself becoming sad & I wasn’t quite sure why!

After all I had seen many medical documentries before…

Welcome my friend come sit with me for awhile, as today is a special day, I am so glad you dropped by for our time together… 

But first let’s grab a cuppa, today’s blend is a gift from my eldest daughter & comes from Outback Australia, it’s a combination of Australian Bush herbs.

The tea is very earthy & robust, the combination is so pleasing.

I pour a second cup, while I enjoy my treat, a home baked gf Date & Coffee loaf, for a little reflection.

Then I had a lightbulb moment…

The documentary was about lifesaving surgical procedures for the unborn in Utero.

It suddenly occurred to me in that moment that this documentary was triggering grief, & then I realised it was that time of the year again!

My attention had been so focused upon the things of the present.

That I had not realised that time was approaching but my subconscious had & my spirit was reacting.

You see today’s special occasion is my only son Benjamin’s birthday…

However, he won’t be joining us to celebrate today.

Because, you see, it’s also the anniversary of his passing.

You see he was born sleeping (stillborn) many years ago.

Over the years I have come to no longer grieve a life not lived, though I do find myself quite reflective & some years a touch emotional at this time.

I like to remember him in contemplative reflection, with a special cup of tea & a tasty treat…it’s quite healing to do so.

girl sitting on table

You see you never get ‘over’ the loss of a child

Rather you come to a place of acceptance & live in that acceptance.

Accepting that he lived & died within & that I’m absolutely assured of seeing him again through the promises of being born anew of the Spirit.

Yes, we have confident & hopeful courage that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.”

2 Corinthians 5: 8 paraphrased

Over the years, I have had the privilege of sharing my story many times, to many people, in many different places of the globe, both as a guest speaker & personally.

However, I had not written my experience of losing two of my children in book format.

In 2017 I launched my vignette which you may access in a complimentary read HERE

This exercise was so therapeutic, being able to put these important experiences of my life into a vignette to help others was a blessing.

It’s healthy to grieve a life lost & acknowledge that they’re gone from this life.

It’s also okay to remember them!

You may like to visit the grave with fresh flowers or walk along the beach in quiet contemplation on their birthdays or anniversaries.

Write a memorial in memory of them or just be alone in a time of quiet reflection with a cuppa, as I like to do each year. 

These are all healthy ways of processing grief.

These activities help us to heal my friend for they are healing activities.

What do you do to remember & honour your loved One when special dates come round? Feel free to share below in the comments.

A professional note;

Being stuck in any particular area of grief eg. anger, deep sadness, fear of the future without your loved one, blame, denial, regret, or an overwhelming feeling of loneliness, for a prolonged period of time, not processing your grief, is mentally unhealthy.

If you find that this has happened to you, please seek professional help in your area now.

So that you may live the abundant life you were created to live!

Until next time,


You’re most welcome to join me in The Reading Nook


in Prayer

© 2022, Jennifer M. Ross, All Rights Reserved. Photo by Nurlan Tortbayev on 

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20 thoughts on “Why do I feel this way?

  1. thankful that you have shared your story of deepest loss, Jennifer. this is a tender mercy. we lost our grandson when he was a baby. whenever we’re in town, we always go to ‘see’ him at the cemetary. my tears are quiet but they are there.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Jennfer, thinking about you and your loss. Love your point about just because you accept something does not stop the emotions around that topic. We grieve and acceptance comes, but we will still feel tender and waylaid by emotions that arise around that topic or event. Sometimes we mistakenly think that if we have emotions related to something in the past, we have not healed. I think it just shows that we have tenderness in that area, and we can allow that tenderness to show as empathy for others in similar situations. God did not design us to not hurt or feel deep loses again, or we would be robots and not human.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Celebrating the life of your sweet Benjamin in heaven, Jennifer. I have a little girl (Kali) there waiting for me. She lived an hour and a half here.

    I so agree with you: “You never get ‘over’ the loss of a child. Rather you come to a place of acceptance & live in that acceptance.” I’m currently grieving another type of loss in my life, and I’m reminded that if I came to a place of acceptance with Kali, I can come to a place of acceptance (eventually) with my new loss as well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Celebrating Kali’s sweet life in Heaven with you Lisa. 🤗
      I’m saddened to hear you are going through another type of loss at the moment.
      Yes, we are resilient women in God because He carries us through but we still grieve a loss no matter what type it is, don’t we…

      I know when I lost my health to chronic autoimmune conditions, which lead to a ‘sabbatical from my professional career’ which eventually turned into ‘early retirement’…it took a long while to eventually come into a place of acceptance.
      In that I couldn’t be the professional nor socialise or be involved in all the things with my family as before. Grief is definitely a process.
      Praying for you sweet friend. 💕


  4. Grief does that, doesn’t it? I appreciate that this time you could find its source. Sometimes I just have to breathe into it without knowing where it arouse. Thankfully God is there whether I identify the cause or not.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Jennifer, such a sweet post and remembrance of your sweet son, Benjamin. While it is painful that you have not enjoyed this life with him, what a blessing to know when his eyes opened the first time, they saw Jesus! And in the next life, there will be no more good byes.

    Liked by 2 people

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