As I opened the package of a new tea blend the most beautiful aroma filled the air. I was excited, as the aroma of this tea had my expectations very high for a delightful tea adventure. Welcome to our time of reflection together my friend…
Shall I set the scene…
It’s a hot summer’s day, I have brewed a pot of this new blend & placed some cups, treats & milk jug on the tray to transport them to the garden, to sit under our beautiful Jacaranda tree where hubby is joining me for our afternoon cuppa together.
I pour the hot amber liquid into my cup…I lift it to my lips, closing my eyes to linger in the moment of that very first sip of a new taste…but…my expectations were sadly not met…the flavor is bland & bitter!
Expectations are interesting aren’t they…
We often place huge expectations on love & romance, especially on our significant others.
Although the problem with expectations is that they are constructed from our own perceptions involving a mixture of imaginings, beliefs & hopes which have quite often been influenced by fictional romance.
We combine these, to have an anticipated imagined outcome. This can put undue pressure on a relationship.
Giving an unrealistic level of expectancy which may result in disappointment (& quite often does). Then hurt, frustration & a feeling of resentment begins to fester.
When this happens we need to stand back & take a good look at ourselves…to get a good view of exactly what we had been expecting & why we feel the way we do when this expectation wasn’t met. Journaling is good for this…
We need to look at the situation practically, as our partner may not be able to meet our expectations… Did they even know we had these expectations?
If we thought we had communicated our expectations, had they actually understood…to gain further insight please read Language of relationships…
You see dear friend, it’s very unhealthy to have expectations of our partner that they can never meet because they’re unrealistic…
A good question to to ask ourselves with Valentine’s Day approaching is what are we expecting from our partner?
What romantic notions are we imaging in our minds? The romantic gestures seen in movies, marketing & romance novels are not necessarily everyone’s cup of tea for romance!
My dear hubby often says he doesn’t have a romantic bone in his body (this is the man who proposed marriage on Valentine’s Day!)…thus, he gets anxious when these type of days come along thinking he will disappoint…But that has never been the case!
Because I don’t have expectations of a market driven romantic experience! Rather, I see a man who demonstrates his love to me through the little things in our life together that come from a gentle, kind & loving heart.
Although he doesn’t think these things are romantic, I see them as such…to me they’re precious acts of love!
What about the expectations we have of the lover of our souls?
You know those prayers we prayed in faith expecting the answer to those situations to go how we imagined!
Then when those prayers don’t get answered in the way we had hoped…for a bad situation to change or for our loved one to be healed, we get a little disappointed & yes if we’re honest maybe a little resentful towards God.
However this isn’t how God works & we need to understand this important truth…You see He didn’t promise to fulfill our expectations for prayer in the way we think they should go.
Rather He promised to answer in a way that fulfills His will for our life & the lives of those we love which is far wiser then anything we could imagine. For He has said…
“I know the plans that I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to give you future & a hope…”
Jeremiah 29: 11
Being kinder in our expectations…
May we include understanding, love & respect, acknowledging the lovely things our partners do.
Recognizing God’s love working in the everyday little acts of consideration & kindness to us…Relishing the beautiful moments with a loving spouse.
Now that’s a special blend for the perfect cup of romance in my book!
Until next time…
Jennifer
You’re most welcome to join me in The Reading Nook
2020 Jennifer M. Ross, teawithjennifer.blog All Rights Reserved. Photos on Pexels.com
Tea With Jennifer on life, love & laughter 
Lovely post! My husband makes it seem like Valentine’s Day everyday in my home with his gentle, loving demeanor. He is so thoughtful of me everyday in a lot of little ways. I feel so blessed. My heavenly Father shows His love for me with much faithfulness and I am so grateful for my faith. Your post has inspired me to acknowledge both of these important relationships with more consistency so they realize how much I appreciate the way they both enrich my life.
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You’re welcome & I’m delighted it has inspired you! A loving husband & faithful God brings such blessings into our life, bless you! 😀
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Jennifer, expectations if unmet can really cause problems. Years ago I heard someone say we should give all of our expectations to God. My husband is loving and kind 365 days a year and that more than meets expectations for Valentine’s Day. Blessings my friend as you share your writing and counseling ministry. Happy Valentine’s Day ❤️
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Oh, I agree Pam expectations when unmet can quickly turn into festering resentment! Working them out with God is certainly the way to go.
Kind hubbies definitely are a major blessing in our lives. Happy Valentine’s day to you! ♥
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If only my younger self could have read this post, Jennifer! I often had unrealistic expectations of my hubby when we first married. Luckily, some wisdom did come with maturity. My expectations with God underwent a similar evolution.
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How wonderful maturity can be Laurie! It brings a new level of peace & contentment doesn’t it! 😀
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It certainly does!
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A lovely reflection and you quote one of my favorite verses. I learned a lot from Gary Chapman about the different love languages. It explained why I find my husband changing the car’s oil to be much more romantic that getting flowers.
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Thank you Elizabeth! Yes, Gary’s work has enlightened so many couples & families to live coherently together. To appreciate each other for who each uniquely is rather then who we think the other should be!
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It made me really understand that some women really do prefer flowers and don’t seen oil changes as romantic as I do!
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Isn’t it wonderful how God has created us all uniquely with differing love languages & mates to meet & compliment them! I think an oil change is rather romantic too Elizabeth & cleaning the bathroom! 😀
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Fortunately my husband feels love with dinner! I guess that old adage that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach is sometimes true.
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That brought a smile Elizabeth! 😀
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Yeah. I’ve forgotten to share my expectations with my spouse and family members many a time. This always leads to frustration. Thank you for the reminder.
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You’re welcome Anita! 😀
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Thank you for this beautiful post. Such sweet reminders about love.
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You’re welcome Mary, we need reminding at times…Don’t we! 😀
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Great reminder, Jennifer. This season initiates lots of unrealistic expectations. So grateful for the Lover of my soul.
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Thank you Michele! Yes, I am too! 😀
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It’s interesting how expectations can be disappointing….mine is pork chops, believe it or not. The animals here in New Zealand are very much grass fed, so they taste so different from what I grew up with in America. There’s just water left in the pan after frying bacon….it is so disgusting. I don’t eat much pork here at all any more…
Feel free to share at My Corner of the World
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Have you tried baking the bacon in the oven on a raised baking rack?
I do pork chops under the grill/broiler with a brush of apricot jam on each side while cooking, they become beautifully crisp & candied, delicious!
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Grateful for a loving God who gifted me with a loving husband… ❤
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His blessings especially in a loving husband who lives God’s love to us is very special indeed ♥
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Absolutely LOVE this post and agree 150%+!! You nailed this! I am late catching up with you due to too many little things to mention here, but delighted reading this. Valentine’s Day is now past as I write. My precious man has tended to be very good on such days. Since we started serious dating he has always sent or given me red roses (half the amount since retirement😊), but can also surprise me even after 55 years of marriage. We have had more expenses in the last 6 months and I still got the half dozen red roses and knew he planned to take me to dinner, but very much surprised me with a bracelet at dinner because he recalled I had lost a small sterling silver bracelet he had given me years ago about 6 months ago.
I came into our marriage with way too many expectations of him and after a fair number or missteps and ways I hurt him as a result, I grew up and gave up the habit. Now I can delight in a surprise like this year because I had no expectation of receiving anything…especially this year!!!
It’s chilly here today, but no longer frigid for the time being and the sun is shining…all a blessing in OH in February.
Blessings on your day,
Pam
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Thank you Pam! What a sweet man & so thoughtful!
How wonderful to have been together 55 years! Now that is worth celebrating! 😀
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Such a perfect comparison regarding expectations!!
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Thank you Susan! Lovely having you over for a cuppa 😀
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What a wonderful post! I am so blessed with a romantic hubby. He almost always exceeds my expectations, and God always provides more than I expect or imagine. Thanks for linking up with us at A GATHERING OF FRIENDS LINK PARTY 12
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Thank you Sylvia! 😀
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I think we all enter marriage with inappropriate expectations – and it takes years to adjust them. We still haven’t quite worked out who’s taking out the garbage – but I’ve stopped expecting him to be the one to heal my brokenness. When I let God be God and my husband be my husband – our relationship became a healthier, more beautiful thing! I think pre-marriage counseling needs to deal with expectations more! Shalom, Jennifer~ Maryleigh
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I agree Maryleigh! 😀
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My brother was married 17 years before he died. We talked often about marriage. One thing he said that stays with me is this; people come into marriage with unrealistic expectations. Whether realistic or unrealistic, whether single, like I am or, married like you are, communication is the key. Before that, we need to examine our expectations to see where else they can be met instead of burdening our friends and spouses.
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You’re brother was correct Yvonne & I agree communication is the key in all relationships, no matter who they are with or our marital status. 😊
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So often our expectations do get in our way and cause resentment and anger. Especially when we feel they should read our minds and know what we want (which is a recipe for disaster!). I have learned that if i want something specific, I better communicate it to my man and then still hold loose expectations. I have also come to understand the ways in which he says I love you and appreciate him for that.
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Wise words Theresa!
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How grateful I am for wisdom which comes from many years together – both with my husband and with God 🙂 In writing that I realized … I am grateful for a loving God who provided a loving husband for me.
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Yes, a blessed marriage is truly a blessing straight from God’s hand Joanne.
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