Hi ya, welcome to my abode dear friend. Our topic for today’s reflection is Other’s emotions that can become extremely contagious…
It has been raining & cold here for days so the best spot for our reflection is indoors, we have moved our living room furniture around so as to allow more light through our full length windows, as a 3 seater sofa was blocking a great deal of natural light from entering.
I have our tray of goodies resting on the coffee table… Now we are seated in our brighter living room let’s begin reflecting upon these emotional contagions.
I’ll set the scene for you to give you an example of what I mean…
You are spending the weekend with a friend, you have jointly rented a two bedroom ground floor beachside holiday apartment…you have had a delightful time chatting, eating, catching up & enjoying time together.
You are now off to your respective rooms for much needed sleep as it has been a long road trip to meet up midway between states.
You’re feeling peaceful as you go through your bedtime routine looking forward to the nice soft bed that is in this holiday apartment which you discovered last time.
You have brought a novel that you have been longing to read. You just settle into reading in the big comfy bed. All seems right with the world in that moment.
Then the serenity is broken with a loud noise, followed by your friend knocking on the door…fear & anxiety is on her face as you open it…she thinks there’s a man outside banging on her Window!
Having heard the loud noise yourself, you know something is going on…though her fear & anxiety is permeating the atmosphere…
You don’t want it to affect you but you send a little prayer up as you walk gingerly to her room to investigate with her hot on your heels.
You turn her bedroom light off so you can get a good line of sight once you peek through the closed blinds. But before you do another loud bang pierces the silence of the room, startling you both!
This time your heart starts to beat a little faster
Your friend by this time is shaking with fear & anxiety clearly heard in her whispers…But you’re determined to get to the bottom of this…
You peek through the blinds…the inky blackness of the wintery night makes it difficult for your eyes to adjust, then another loud bang, you’re sure your friend is ready to pass out…
As your eyes adjust you see the shadowy shape of the perpetrator close to the Window, he’s huge…your heart is beating faster now… he pulls back to bang on the Window again…allowing the light from the distant street lamp to shine upon him… revealing his identity…
It’s a young willow tree swaying in the wind, hitting the window with each blasting gust! You both giggle with relief! And your friend’s laughter is overlaid with nervous embarrassment.
Fear & anxiety can cause one to envisage all types of scenarios that jump to a worse case scenario!
Another’s fear & anxiety can be very contagious…If we allow it to be! It is very unwise to enter their world of fearful & anxious imagings!
Though this can be particularly difficult when our loved one’s share their concerns, fears & anxieties with us which are founded in real life circumstances.
As you may know I have been working in Mental Health for many decades & I have the professional skill set to be able to help those whose lives have been impacted by fears, anxieties & depression.
But when it comes to my loved ones, because I don’t wear my professional hat with them it can be quite challenging…as I shared in Concern, worry & anxiety…
But there are certain steps we can take that greatly help…
- We can listen
- We can validate their concerns…
Every one likes to be heard & validated, not dismissed.
We don’t need to enter their fears, anxieties or worse case scenarios to validate their real concerns
We just need to show them love in that their concerns are real for them. And to recognize that the way they’re feeling is impacting them.
We can also offer love, support & of course that listening ear over a cuppa.
Helping another to share their burden does not mean taking it completely over. There is a distinction between helping to lighten a load & taking it on as your own!
Jesus said, “Help one another, bearing [having enduring compassion for] one another’s burdens…” Galatians 6:2
Please note, if your friend or loved one has fears, anxieties & depression that have overtaken their life & need professional help please encourage them to seek it as soon as possible.
Do you listen & validate your loved one’s concerns or do you tend to invalidate them?
Until next time,
Jennifer
You’re welcome to join me in The Reading Nook
© 2019, Jennifer M. Ross, teawithjennifer.blog, All Rights Reserved. Photo on Pexels.com
Tea With Jennifer, living Grace one day at a time... 
It’s so true that just being heard allows a release in our mind. My mentor has been that for me so many times! Allowing others to share their pain and burden’s is like a calling that’s dear to my heart. In my personal life I try to be that person for others. Then, in my work it’s my job to listen and guide, in being a Hope Coach for a crisis chat line. I really like how you have explained this emotional contagion! #faithandfriends linkup
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Thank you April, you have a very important job! Yes, sharing an emotional load really helps doesn’t it 😀
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It’s amazing how quickly we can get sucked into someone else’s emotional spiral.
Visiting from #IMM
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Absolutely Barb, especially if we aren’t guarding our own emotions at the time.
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Jennifer, listening and validating concerns are crucial to someone who is emotionally distraught. The story you shared was a perfect example, I have to say I was relieved it was a willow! Thank you for your wisdom and your most helpful writings! Blessings always…
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We were too Pam! But we had a good giggle at ourselves afterwards 😀
Lovely having you drop by as always! ♥
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My husband and I seem to take turns. He stays calm when I am upset. I stay calm when he is upset. That works most of the time. We rarely catastrophize in the same way.
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That is truly a complimentary partnership Elizabeth! 😀
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Jennifer, I loved this post! You are so right – we do allow others’ fear to infect us. Anxieties too. I have lived this more than once. Usually, if I give myself enough time, I can act rationally and calmly, but my initial reaction is to “catch” the fear.
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I agree another’s fear & anxiety can be extremely infectious Laurie, it’s wise to step back before we catch it…& hear what their concerns are to then be able to validate.
Especially if we know that the Other has fears & anxiety on a regular basis…
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So true, just being able to be heard when you are in distress is very healing. The ability to sit and really listen and be supportive to someone in distress is truly a gift. I have been in both at times in my life and it does take strength to not let yourself get too involved in someone else’s anxiety. Great post!
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Thank you, I agree it truly is a gift 😀
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I agree, it’s very easy to be impacted by others’ anxieties, but taking the time to listen to them and validate them is so important. Even if we can’t change anything it helps a lot for them to know they’ve been heard.
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Absolutely Lesley! 😀
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What a great way to descibe this issue. You have given me a lot to think about today. laurensparks.net
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Thank you Lauren, I’m glad it was thought provoking for you 😀
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I was the child growing up that let my imagination turn fear into something that was bigger than it was. My dad was my calm voice of reason. He did validate me and listened well even in the middle of the night. I have learned over the years how to do this for my own sons. Many times they really crave just to be heard. Thank you for such a good post today.
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Its a pleasure Mary & what a lovely Dad you had!
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That cat sure looks very wise.
Coffee is on
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Superb.
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Thank you for this good advice. I’m too prone to try to fix things rather than to simply listen.
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You’re right Elizabeth that can be a huge temptation! Lovely having you drop by! 😀
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Oooh this is very insightful – thank you for this! Fear can be just as contagious as a yawn… and like others have mentioned, I’m definitely prone to try to sweep in and solve everything rather than just listen first. Something for me to work on, for sure.
Thank you for this great post. x
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You’re most welcome Anastasia 😀
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Well done! We have an autistic son and have learned how valuable validating his emotions can be in helping redirect those emotions.
I think this is also very important for us women who can sometimes feel a bit at the mercy of our emotions.
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Thank you Marty! Lovely having you drop by, we do all need emotional validation… Don’t we…as then know we have been heard. 😀
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I love your story example. Even more so I appreciate your practical tips. When I am anxious, I especially need to feel heard and validated, even if I am being dramatic. Thank you for linking up with Grace and Truth this week!
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You’re most welcome Valerie! Lovely to have you join me from Grace & Truth 😀
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Something I try to remember, Jennifer is, “Involved, but not entangled.” Yes, I want to help but I do not want it to be come “Mine”. Same thing, right?
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Absolutely Susan, to support others in hard times is what we need to do, ‘without’ taking their burden on as solely ours is very wise indeed. 😀
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Great post, Jennifer! It IS so important to listen and offer validation without getting entangled. I walk that tightrope every day in my job, sometimes well, and others not so well! I appreciate this reminder!
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Thank you Donna 😊 Yes, I understand that professionally too. As well as personally especially with loved ones 😉
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I appreciate that you don’t always act as a counselor to your friends and family. Someone in our extended family is a professional counselor and always “on,” giving unasked for advice. The problem is, she assumes instead of listening enough to hear someone out.
I appreciate what you say here. I think what people want most when they share problems is support and a listening ear. I especially like this: “Helping another to share their burden does not mean taking it completely over. There is a distinction between helping to lighten a load & taking it on as your own!”
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Thank you Barbara 😊
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This is so true, Jennifer, “We don’t need to enter their fears, anxieties or worse case scenarios to validate their real concerns.” ~Lisa, Inspire Me Monday #10
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Absolutely Lisa! In giving validation means a person has been heard & we all need to be heard… Don’t we.
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