I feel judged…

Hi! How lovely of you to drop by…

The above statement is voiced by most of us at some time in our lives…which sparks rather passionate reactions from all quarters, so I thought we would explore this controversial but not so modern issue in our time of reflection today…

I have my cuppa ready, do you have yours? Mine is a strawberry sensation tea blend & I thought a salted caramel nut slice would be a perfect accompaniment to munch upon as I sip.

It has become absolutely freezing here in this part of Australia, it seems winter has sent an icy blast from the Antarctic! So, today we are sitting with our cuppa indoors, cozy & warm while the rain & wind rage outside.

russian blue kitten on brown woven basket

Judge, judging, judged or judgements…

The definition of judging; is to form an opinion or conclusion about something or someone.

Have you ever judged something or someone?

I believe we all make judgements on a continual basis everyday. Forming opinions & conclusions on many things in life.

Some would do this in their work life by making judgements on; safety issues; work schedules; purchasing; hiring & firing employees, judging their qualifications, experience & capacity for the job at hand.

Judicial Judges make judgements on criminal behavior & the risk this behavior poses to the wider community. Placing those who are judged to pose the greatest risk in a time of incarceration for the safety of the community at large.

In my professional life, there have been times I have had to work with those who posed a threat to my personal safety with their aggressive & challenging behaviors. I too have had to make quick risk assessments on the danger I was in…coming to a conclusion on the situation…making a calculated judgement.

However, these types of judgements are necessary for our societies to be able to function in a safe, balanced & cohesive manner for all.

So, this brings us to the title of our reflection today…

   “I feel judged…”

This feeling may come from either a perceived or real judgement towards us or our loved ones…one that quite often lacks knowledge, understanding & empathy for our personal circumstances (which are never completely known by others) from the One standing in judgment.

Let’s have a look at the cognitive & emotional processes that we all go through to come to an opinion on any issue or behavior that we observe…For a greater understanding…

We all draw upon our core values, our life experience, the familial culture we grew up in, personal preferences, levels of awareness & education on the issue or behavior at hand, our personal belief system of faith, our cultural norms, practices & bias’.

Then added to this mix will be our emotional response to the issues or behavior at hand. Once this process is completed a conclusion is arrived at, also known as, a judgement!

However, this can be short circuited if the emotional response instantly jumps to the forefront blocking out the cognitive & emotional processing, giving an emotive judgement…which does not produce the wisest of conclusions!

I too have been judged in my life, many times in both covert & overt ways. So, I am well aware just how deeply it can hurt…to be misunderstood or thought of as being different to who we actually are…is very hurtful & upsetting.

However, as I have pondered & reflected upon this approaching it from a different perspective (it goes with the territory when you’re a therapist & one of the therapies in your therapy kit is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)).

Let me pose the following question;

If we feel judged, are we in turn judging those who we feel judged by…concluding that they are judgemental?

grey fur kitten

It’s a rather interesting & thought provoking question…is it not?

It gives an interesting perspective to the following ancient wisdom…

 “…why do you look at the speck that is in another’s eye, but don’t notice the log that’s in your own eye?” Jesus said. (Matthew 7: 3)

When we experience an Ouch! That hurt! Emotional pain…moment. It’s always worthwhile to reflect upon the reason behind the way we’re feeling…to try & get a less emotive view of the situation.

Until next time dear friend…

Jennifer

 

Jennifer is a published author,  discover more in The Book Nook

 

 

© teawithjennifer.blog All Rights Reserved. Photos by Pexels.com

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27 thoughts on “I feel judged…

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  1. Jennifer, your posts are always spot on and so helpful. I am bad at judging someone’s motives, which is almost impossible to know. Thank you for your counsel and perspective my friend! I always look forward to visiting with you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It was suggested to me a long time ago that things I judged about others probably reflected my own weaknesses which I didn’t want to accept. It has proved true more often than not.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. There is a big difference between using good judgment and being judgemental. Thank you for the good reminder to think before we judge someone unfairly. I have been hurt in this way at various times in my life. It hurts!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Yes, that’s true, Jennifer! We do judge those when they judge us! ‘Round and ’round it goes! Lol! Better to do as Jesus said and take the log out before we judge. Then and only then can we see clearly. Thanks for this reminder, my friend! And stay warm! Hard to believe you’re heading into winter there when it’s so sunny and warm here!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. That’s a thought-provoking question. Sometimes others are judging us, but I think a lot of the time it’s actually in our own minds and we project our own feelings and judgements onto them.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I loved your pictures to go along with your insightful post. I find in most cases, judging to be problematic but yes necessary at times. However, when we can keep a neutral attitude and give people the benefit of the doubt, life and relationships go better. Thank you for sharing with us over at Grace & Truth.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Very thought provoking as it is so true. May I examine my own heart and feelings both when feeling judged, and judging others. Always grateful when you link up and share your words!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. You have given me some things to chew on. Very recently my husband and I heard this from an adult child. And in truth, biblically, morally and logically we believe he is making terrible choices and that it would not be loving to be honest with him about it. So that’s what I said. Which lead to him drawing some boundaries going forward about what we talk about. This is hard for us, but also better for my mental health since I have been in such distress about the danger he is putting himself and his children in. And it’s forcing me to truly put my trust in the Lord since there is honestly nothing I can do – can’t even give my opinion or point him to scripture. Ok, just realized what a tangent I went off on there. Sorry. But thank you for the thought provoking ideas.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing your heart Lauren. It can be really difficult when we see adult children making choices we know will bring them & their (& our) loved ones heartache. And are not open to discussion on the subject. Which we need of course to respect when they’re adults.
      And just as you have shared it’s in those times we need to completely hand the situation over to the Lord & trust that He will bring them unto Himself opening their eyes to the truth of the situation.
      Our place is to continue to bring them before the throne of Grace in prayer & love them through this time. But it’s can be a heart wrenching time none the less! 🌹

      Like

  9. Ugh. I know I am often too quick to judge others (and judge myself too). Thanks for this reminder to always return to Jesus’s words in Matthew 7. (Funny because I memorized it not long ago, yet I still am working on it!)

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Jennifer, lovely post. One sees a lot of this problem on social media, where people are sharply divided between opposing camps on just about any issue you could name. They can’t just disagree in a civil matter, they feel compelled to judge harshly and spew venom!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, that is a sad reality Jean. I’m not on social media I find it a platform that is often sadly used for abuse & all manner of things that are not healthy.
      Lovely to have you join me here today in a cuppa & chat 😀

      Like

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