“I feel judged…”

Hi! How lovely of you to drop by…

The above statement is voiced by most of us at some time in our lives…which sparks rather passionate reactions from all quarters, so I thought we would explore this controversial but not so modern issue in our time of reflection today…

I have my cuppa ready, do you have yours? Mine is a strawberry sensation tea blend & I thought a salted caramel nut slice would be a perfect accompaniment to munch upon as I sip.

It has become absolutely freezing here in this part of Australia, it seems winter has sent an icy blast from the Antarctic! So, today we are sitting with our cuppa indoors, cozy & warm while the rain & wind rage outside.

Judge, judging, judged or judgements…

The definition of judging; is to form an opinion or conclusion about something or someone.

Have you ever judged something or someone?

I believe we all make judgements on a continual basis everyday. Forming opinions & conclusions on many things in life.

Some would do this in their work life by making judgements on; safety issues; work schedules; purchasing; hiring & firing employees, judging their qualifications, experience & capacity for the job at hand.

Judicial Judges make judgements on criminal behavior & the risk this behavior poses to the wider community. Placing those who are judged to pose the greatest risk in a time of incarceration for the safety of the community at large.

In my professional life, there have been times I have had to work with those who posed a threat to my personal safety with their aggressive & challenging behaviors. I too have had to make quick risk assessments on the danger I was in…coming to a conclusion on the situation…making a calculated judgement.

However, these types of judgements are necessary for our societies to be able to function in a safe, balanced & cohesive manner for all.

So, this brings us to the title of our reflection today…

   “I feel judged…”

This feeling may come from either a perceived or real judgement towards us or our loved ones…one that quite often lacks knowledge, understanding & empathy for our personal circumstances (which are never completely known by others) from the One standing in judgment.

Let’s have a look at the cognitive & emotional processes that we all go through to come to an opinion on any issue or behavior that we observe…For a greater understanding…

We all draw upon our core values, our life experience, the familial culture we grew up in, personal preferences, levels of awareness & education on the issue or behavior at hand, our personal belief system of faith, our cultural norms, practices & bias’.

Then added to this mix will be our emotional response to the issues or behavior at hand. Once this process is completed a conclusion is arrived at, also known as, a judgement!

However, this can be short circuited if the emotional response instantly jumps to the forefront blocking out the cognitive & emotional processing, giving an emotive judgement…which does not produce the wisest of conclusions!

I too have been judged in my life, many times in both covert & overt ways. So, I am well aware just how deeply it can hurt…to be misunderstood or thought of as being different to who we actually are…is very hurtful & upsetting.

However, as I have pondered & reflected upon this approaching it from a different perspective (it goes with the territory when you’re a therapist & one of the therapies in your therapy kit is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)).

Let me pose the following question;

If we feel judged, are we in turn judging those who we feel judged by…concluding that they are judgemental?

It’s a rather interesting & thought provoking question…is it not?

It gives an interesting perspective to the following ancient wisdom…

 “…why do you look at the speck that is in another’s eye, but don’t notice the log that’s in your own eye?” Jesus said. (Matthew 7: 3)

When we experience an Ouch! That hurt! Emotional pain… moment. It’s always worthwhile to reflect upon the reason behind the way we’re feeling…to try & get a less emotive view of the situation.

Until next time dear friend…

Jennifer

 

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