Welcome to our time of tea & reflection dear friend.
Today as we sip our cuppa’s & enjoy a treat, we will be reflecting upon situations that cause hurt.
I have a pot of refreshing Strawberry sensation tea, as one cup is just not enough.
And a slice of gf Vanilla bean Pavlova which is a light & spongy meringue cake topped with coconut yoghurt, sliced strawberries, blackberries & tiny crunchy coconut rolls for our treat (my youngest daughter’s creation this past weekend). Mmmm delicious!
In the last few weeks, as I have been out & about with my husband’s emergency, many I’ve met along the way & even strangers, have shared their emotional pain with me.
Their pain was caused by friends or family in significant hurtful actions, inactions, words or behaviour.
This type of offense deeply wounds our hearts, especially when it comes from the people we trusted, loved & respected the most, does it not?
Let me make this personal…
I have the particular temperament that is not easily offended as I believe in giving people the “benefit of the doubt” in a situation that may have seemed offensive, hurtful or even out of character for them at the time.
However, I am not shy when the need arises for gentle correction either.
Recently, I too suffered just such an emotional wound to my heart that caused a gnawing ache within my spirit!
So, what do we do when our heart aches?
Firstly, as I shared in Pause & Reflect… we need to do just that, pause & reflect to recognize why this hurt is causing us so much emotional pain.
I find journaling very therapeutic in times like this, as writing out our emotions can really help us to sort through the jumbled thoughts that get tangled within the painful emotions.
You see dear friend, we have a choice, we can either hold on to that hurt & nurture it, feeding it with lots of resentment until one day it’s fully grown into bitterness.
And you know what bitterness does?
It consumes & takes over whatever it touches!
Bitterness causes nasty defensive behaviour, very often directed towards the people who love us most & whom have nothing to do with the emotional pain we are experiencing.
We can choose to grace the person/s who caused us such heart ache.
Let’s explore this one & see what grace entails…
But it’s not so easy to give grace when we’re hurting, is it?
To be gracious to the one who has really hurt us entails giving up that pain & choosing not to nurture our hurt.
It entails a deliberate & purposeful decision on our part to forgive the person who caused the pain.
You may be thinking that this is, easier said then done Jennifer!
And I understand that…
Please note I am not talking about any type of abuse or criminal activity inflicted upon a person here.
That type of emotional pain needs professional help to heal.
If you are in that place, please seek a professional counselor, therapist or pastor who can walk alongside you in your healing process.
So, let’s take a look at our own emotional behaviour for a minute & ask ourselves the following.
Why are we hurting?
This is a reflective question, name your hurt.
Example; I felt rejected, abandoned, disrespected, unloved, unimportant, not considered, but heard or humiliated.
Why is our heart aching to such intensity?
An answer to this question may be, I thought the relationship had more mutual respect, consideration & love than the recent actions, words or behaviour have shown.
What expectations did we have in this relationship?
Are the expectations we had, just that, our expectations which may be unrealistic for the other to meet, as shared in Iced Wine tea…
Does the other person have any idea that their action, inaction, words or behaviour have caused us such hurt?
Do they need to know, if the hurt has happened indirectly?
Once we have journaled our emotions & answered the above we can see where we are at, within ourselves.
Then, we can consider where the other person may be at, in their lives at the moment, they may be preoccupied with pressures & stresses that we are not privileged too.
Not an excuse for the offense but a reason at least, for their uncharacteristic behaviour.
“…& the grace of our Lord was more than abundant, with the faith & love which are found in Christ Jesus.”
1 Timothy 1:14
A personal note; The person who caused my emotional pain is not aware they have wounded my heart by their actions & after journaling, prayerful reflection & consideration.
I have chosen to use the grace given to me in great measure to forgive & forget.
This person is going through challenging times in their own life at the moment, I know it would pain them to know their actions caused me such emotional pain.
Ahhh, sweet release, no more aching heart! The healing power of grace & forgiveness found through Christ is real.
What are you doing with your emotional pain dear friend?
Until next time,
You’re most welcome to join me in The Reading Nook
© 2019 Jennifer M.Ross, teawithjennifer.blog All Rights Reserved. Photo by Pexels.com