A Mama malady of our time is the topic of our reflection today my friend.
It is so lovely to have you here, shall we begin our time together?
I have prepared a special tray just for us, it has vintage cups, tiny sugar bowl, milk jug & freshly baked Gf scones with homemade strawberry jam for our treat.
We are sitting at my dining room table which is positioned in front of a double sliding glass door that looks out onto our front garden.
Our tea blend today is an unusual one that I think you may enjoy, it is called Orange Pekoe.
I have the teapot, so as I pour our tea or would you prefer coffee? We will begin reflecting on today’s topic…
Mother guilt seems to be a malady of recent times
Although, it may have always been.
I have observed this in Mamas young, old & across cultures & whether birth, adoptive, step or foster mothers many still experience this phenomenon.
Let me explain what exactly Mother guilt is;
it is the feeling we have not done or doing enough for our children.
It is a very unpleasant feeling for any Mama who has & is doing her absolute best for her children, whether they are young or adults.
Doing her best with the knowledge, life experience, circumstances, health & energy resources & maturity she has at any given time along the way.
So, why do we feel this way?
It comes down to what we either continually expect of ourselves (I am guilty of this one) or the pressure of expectations that are continually placed upon us.
Maybe it’s a combination of both?
For over the past 50+ years media have had a huge part to play in the expectations that are placed upon motherhood.
I grew up with movies & tv programs where the mother always had the perfect house, her children were always clean, neat, well mannered & well behaved at all times!
She was the perfect mother, wife & cook, always had a smile on her face & the perfect words on her tongue for every occasion.
She did everything perfectly to keep the family running smoothly.
Of course the reality of motherhood was never shown…
That imperfection, exhaustion & messiness reign with raising children!
Conversely, mothers who fell outside of this projected ‘normality of perfection’ were severely judged & found wanting!
Which I am here to tell you is all of us Mamas!
I don’t know about you but as hard as I tried & I can tell you I tried to the point of exhaustion!
I could never attain that level of perfection!
I am not the perfect Mama!
My children may have started the day clean, neat & tidy but by the end of the day they were not. Because they were children!
I taught them good manners in what was acceptable social behavior & what wasn’t.
I gave them a solid foundation of God’s love & principles but children are children they mess up, just like us adults!
While of course we want to do our very best for our children, this is absolutely without question!
What they really need is…
The main thing they truly need & want from us is relationship with their Mama!
They want to be with us, spending quality time with us, watching us go through both the good times & the challenging times of life.
So they too can learn what a real role model of resilience looks like, imperfect & messy but keeps on trying.
And in observing us meeting & overcoming the challenges in life they learn that they can too.
Hopefully going on to lead their best lives in the good & the challenging times that will inevitably greet them as adults!
So, Mamas let us who have done & are still doing our best for our children, whatever age they may be & whatever capacity we may have.
Put away Mama guilt in all its manifestations & see the real priorities.
Spending quality time with our children & grandchildren when we can.
Enjoying precious moments of a relationship for what it is, imperfect & messy…
But loving each other with kindness, patience & respect through the good times & challenging times!
I hope you enjoyed our time together & the Orange Pekoe tea.
Until next time,
You’re most welcome to join me in The Reading Nook
© 2018 Jennifer M. Ross, teawithjennifer.blog All Rights Reserved. Photos on Pexels.com
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