A Mama malady of our time is the topic of our reflection today my friend.
It is so lovely to have you here, shall we begin our time together?
I have prepared a special tray just for us, it has vintage cups, tiny sugar bowl, milk jug & freshly baked Gf scones with homemade strawberry jam for our treat.
We are sitting at my dining room table which is positioned in front of a double sliding glass door that looks out onto our front garden.
Our tea blend today is an unusual one that I think you may enjoy, it is called Orange Pekoe.
I have the teapot, so as I pour our tea or would you prefer coffee? We will begin reflecting on today’s topic…
Mother guilt seems to be a malady of recent times
Although, it may have always been.
I have observed this in Mamas young, old & across cultures & whether birth, adoptive, step or foster mothers many still experience this phenomenon.
Let me explain what exactly Mother guilt is;
it is the feeling we have not done or doing enough for our children.
It is a very unpleasant feeling for any Mama who has & is doing her absolute best for her children, whether they are young or adults.
Doing her best with the knowledge, life experience, circumstances, health & energy resources & maturity she has at any given time along the way.
So, why do we feel this way?
It comes down to what we either continually expect of ourselves (I am guilty of this one) or the pressure of expectations that are continually placed upon us.
Maybe it’s a combination of both?
For over the past 50+ years media have had a huge part to play in the expectations that are placed upon motherhood.
I grew up with movies & tv programs where the mother always had the perfect house, her children were always clean, neat, well mannered & well behaved at all times!
She was the perfect mother, wife & cook, always had a smile on her face & the perfect words on her tongue for every occasion.
She did everything perfectly to keep the family running smoothly.
Of course the reality of motherhood was never shown…
That imperfection, exhaustion & messiness reign with raising children!
Conversely, mothers who fell outside of this projected ‘normality of perfection’ were severely judged & found wanting!
Which I am here to tell you is all of us Mamas!
I don’t know about you but as hard as I tried & I can tell you I tried to the point of exhaustion!
I could never attain that level of perfection!
I am not the perfect Mama!
My children may have started the day clean, neat & tidy but by the end of the day they were not. Because they were children!
I taught them good manners in what was acceptable social behavior & what wasn’t.
I gave them a solid foundation of God’s love & principles but children are children they mess up, just like us adults!
While of course we want to do our very best for our children, this is absolutely without question!
What they really need is…
Relationship
The main thing they truly need & want from us is relationship with their Mama!
They want to be with us, spending quality time with us, watching us go through both the good times & the challenging times of life.
So they too can learn what a real role model of resilience looks like, imperfect & messy but keeps on trying.
And in observing us meeting & overcoming the challenges in life they learn that they can too.
Hopefully going on to lead their best lives in the good & the challenging times that will inevitably greet them as adults!
So, Mamas let us who have done & are still doing our best for our children, whatever age they may be & whatever capacity we may have.
Put away Mama guilt in all its manifestations & see the real priorities.
Spending quality time with our children & grandchildren when we can.
Enjoying precious moments of a relationship for what it is, imperfect & messy…
But loving each other with kindness, patience & respect through the good times & challenging times!
I hope you enjoyed our time together & the Orange Pekoe tea.
Until next time,
Jennifer
You’re most welcome to join me in The Reading Nook
Or
In Prayer
© 2018 Jennifer M. Ross, teawithjennifer.blog All Rights Reserved. Photos on Pexels.com
& Featured at Grace Moments link up
Tea With Jennifer 
This has definitely been on my heart as I try to fight comparison. It’s unfair to ourselves to stack our failures against someone’s triumphs as manas on social media. They’re portraying the best of their day; I guarantee they also have rotten days when nothing seems to go as planned. Taking breaks from social media when I notice the increase in mom guilt definitely helps to combat that.
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Yes, comparison is a counter productive exercise Elena…it only produces discouragement & anxiety. You have a good strategy though.
As a professional counselor I can tell you No One has a perfect life especially Mama’s no matter what they put on social media!
We need to remember this 😉
Lovely having you drop by today!
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Jennifer,
I can be the queen of “Great Expectations” – of myself and others. Problem is…they set us up for disappointment every time. Having now grown children, I can look back and see all the things I could have, should have done differently. Beating myself up does no earthly good. I need to pray and ask God to fill in the cracks. Great reminder!
Blessings,
Bev xx
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Oh I agree Bev, hindsight is a wonderful thing but we don’t have that at the time, do we!
We need to move forward in God’s love & forgiveness, loving our adult children with His love in whatever way we can.
That may well be to be just being a faithful prayer warrior before His throne of grace for them each day, believing that our prayers for them will be answered in His timing.
Blessings to you too! 😀
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Jennifer, I am with you – we must leave Mama guilt behind. I, too, grew up in an era where perfection was the “norm”. My mom’s house was immaculate, her dinners were on time, and she always had treats made for the kids. She didn’t work outside the house. I worked full time, and always felt harried and half-put-together. I did devote a lot of time to my kids, however. It’s time to let go of the guilt!
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Definitely Laurie, we need to enjoy the moments without unattainable expectations of one another & ourselves 😉
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Every child can appreciate the value of a mother. And Yes love is the most important thing in life.
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Lovely to have you drop by Anne. 😀
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Hi Jennifer, coming to you from last week’s Grace Moments link up (oops – a week late). I clicked on your post because of the title – Mommy Guilt. Boy, do I have it! I have had to learn that some of this also comes from Satan as he is trying to steal joy from our families.
You said, “They want to be with us, spending quality time with us, watching us go through both the good times & the challenging times…so they too can learn what a real role model of resilience looks like…imperfect & messy but trying…”
This is so important. I try to remind myself not to let Satan rob me of this most precious relationship (and the time I have to establish it – now when they are young so they’ll still want to hang out with me some when they are older). They don’t care how clean the house is or if I had a chance to take a shower today – they just want to be with me – “imperfect and messy.”
Thanks for sharing.
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Hi Heather,
You’re welcome! Lovely to have you drop by! Yes the enemy does love to rob us of truth & get our eyes off God’s priorities – relationship!
Glad you were encouraged.
Jennifer
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I’ve painted my self into a corner a good many times with comparison and wrong thinking that leads to false guilt. Thanks for this wisdom-laced cup of tea!
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You’re most welcome Michele!
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Such good reminders here, Jennifer! I’m the mom of two little ones, and all too often, I struggle with this! Thanks for the reminder that a relationship is what they need most from us! This blessed me today!
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So glad you were blessed Stacey, it was lovely to have you here for a visit.
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Momma’s guilt sure can cause a ton of discomfort. Slowly but surely I have learned the meaning of, “I did my best.” Thank you for sharing and pointing out expectations are usually what gets in the way. Thank you for sharing with Grace & Truth Link-Up.
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You’re welcome Maree I agree we need to see we did our best at each stage & go from there.
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Social media has ramped up the mama guilt to an alarming high. It’s time to give — and receive — less comparison and more compassion. Thanks for the post!
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Great point Karen!
It can be a very dangerous & insidious platform of subtle perfectionism in a surreal world which you have raised!
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