Hi, welcome my friend! I’m delighted you’re here to join me in a cuppa & some musings. Yesterday when out & about my hubby & I unexpectedly came across an old friend we hadn’t seen in many years.

It was lovely to have a little catch up before we went our seperate ways. But one thing she said as we were parting is that her & hubby aren’t at the same fellowship anymore, that we were once a part, because she felt she couldn’t be herself there.

This had me pondering as she’s not the first person I’ve heard say this about certain communities & fellowships.

But before we go any further let’s grab our cuppa’s, a treat & get comfy. Today I’m having a comforting ol’ favourite, Earl Grey tea with a toasted slice of gf Date loaf. Now we’re comfy let’s begin…

Many Years Ago

Many years ago Betty Mitchell the lady who led me to Christ & mentored me for many years before she stepped into Heaven, actually gave a message on this very subject she called it, ‘Cookie Cutter Christians’.

It was a message about those who try to live up to other’s expectations & lose their uniquely created individuality in the process. And sadly I have observed this phenomena in many fellowships, communities & cultures over the decades.

Even recently at our High Tea For Missions , I observed one particular person in the process of this phenomenon.

So who’s responsible here? Is it the particular culture of the community/fellowship or is it the individual who feels they need to live up to other’s expectations in order to be accepted?

From observation & experience the answer is often both.

People Pleasing Behaviour

Unfortunately, there is a great deal of People Pleasing Behaviours that happen within the culture of many fellowships & communities for acceptance, rather than choosing to be on a journey of transformation as a unique child of God through Jesus!

And there is a massive difference between the two.

Let’s look at why many go into this behavioural pattern.

People Pleasing is born out of the innate need for acceptance because of past rejection or abuse & is often linked with low self worth & social anxiety.

Often the desire to please is driven by the fear of disapproval & rejection leading to the need to conform to other’s expectations. And the fear of rejection is a powerful motivator to please others!

Sadly always trying to live up to other’s expectations individuality is lost & quite frankly it’s an exhausting endeavour.

For we were created as unique human beings & when that is denied, one day our uniqueness will rebel, often leading to fleeing the situation that is triggering the people pleasing behaviour.

However, there’s a problem with this solution. While it removes the pressure from expectations, sadly the behaviour (people pleasing) will raise it’s ugly head in another setting for the root cause (past rejection, abuse or social anxiety) has not been wholey addressed!

But there’s also another major component at play here.

The Culture of Community

There’s also a cultural process at play in every community & fellowship. And depending on the fellowship these cultural expectations can either be strongly inferred or imposed.

These cultures of expectation can range from standards of behaviour, dress & how to live one’s life that often go far beyond God’s guidelines for these in His Word.

And I’m not talking about Cults or sub cultural groups here, I’m talking about everyday local fellowships & communities.

Now of course there are certain social protocols that every culture & nation on the planet have for communal cohesiveness, which are needed. But these generally allow for unique individuality.

What we’re reflecting upon here is the suppression of God’s created uniqueness in the individual.

An example of a Culture of Imposition;

One fellowship many years ago had the expectation, from the leadership, that all the women in the church should be wearing a certain fashion & hairstyle, not all the same mind, but within a certain fashion & hairstyle genre effectively wiping out individuality.

See how these type of expectations could impact those who have people pleasing tendencies to conform.

Now the above example is just one area, there can be many more subtle areas but none the less just as impacting.

We need to examine the culture that’s within our fellowships to see if they nurture individuality or suppress it.

For You (God) formed my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139: 14 & 14 BSB

Remember God did not create a community of Clones, He created each one of us to be unique, as that adds a certain spice to the communities we are a part like no one else can.

And wonderfully each one of us have little quirks that make us uniquely who we are!

So let’s celebrate our God given individuality by being who He created us to be!

The Take Away

If you’re noticing that you’re ‘people pleasing’ then step back & survey your situation as to why.

And ask yourself the following questions, being totally honest with yourself;

Is the culture in the community or fellowship that I’m a part, actually triggering this behaviour?

Or

Do I need to seek professional assistance to address past issues of rejection, abuse or social anxiety that is prompting this behaviour?

Or

Is it both? And both need addressing.

Until next time,

Jennifer

You’re most welcome to join me in The Reading Nook

Or 

In Prayer

© 2025 Jennifer M. Ross, All Rights Reserved. Photos by Nicole Michalou pexels.com

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