Welcome dear friend, today I have a particularly delicious tea & treat ready to share with you…
The tea blend is called Turkish delight, a black tea flavored with Rose petals & vanilla.
Our treat is a gf fruit mince shortbread bite. Both unusually morish & the combination of the two work beautifully together.
At this time of the year we hear the following lyrics being played over & over through audio systems in shopping centers & malls;
” T’is the season to be jolly, tra la la la, la la la”…
But feeling jolly isn’t always the reality for many in this season…as a Clinical Counselor, this is always the busiest time of the year.
And sadly the season that has the biggest suicide rate! Why?
Advertising, constantly portrays large happy families gathered together around a feast with a huge Christmas tree in the background laden with decorations & mountains of gifts placed under it.
Where everyone is getting on with each other, happy, smiling, laughing, caring & co operative & seemingly wealthy.
There is love & stability in these portrayals.
However for many people around the world this is not their reality with family!
No matter how hard they may have tried over the years to make it so.
Families can be complicated entities…
Whatever the culture, size, shape or mix.
Whether large, small, close or distant in locality or relationship, nuclear, combined, separated by choice or by circumstances they are all made up of different personalities with a shared history.
That history may not have always been a positive or happy one!
And it may be very painful for some & overwhelming for others to be with family at this time of the year!
Idealized Christmas celebration scenes can trigger painful memories, hurts or unresolved issues that significant others within the family may not even acknowledge or recognize!
Add a little festive alcohol (although the following can happen without alcohol) & old rivalries, hurts, rejections, judgements, frustrations, jealousies or personality clashes can quickly simmer & bubble to the surface.
This quite often leads to disastrous encounters reinforcing the negative family experience.
What do we do in this season that may be full of heartache & sadness?
Having been a family Therapist for many decades, now retired although professionally current.
I realize that there is no such thing as a perfect family on this earth as portrayed in the media, they simply do not exist!
All families are made up of imperfect people living imperfect lives!
Family groups consist of individual members who have differing lifestyles, beliefs, temperaments & opinions to each other.
Each family group has a momentum uniquely their own & whether negative, positive or a mixture of both, family members share that history, giving each member their unique experience of the family.
We are but visiting members to some family groups & life members of others but the shared experience remains!
My advice…
Glean wisdom from your own unique family experience.
You cannot control how your family has behaved in the past or will in the future but you can control how you act & react to your family!
Whether living with a positive or negative family legacy we can choose what we do with the demands & expectations placed upon us by family members in this season or at anytime.
If we cannot meet those demands or expectations, for whatever reason then we need to be kind to ourselves!
And have wisdom in what we expose our emotional, mental, physical & spiritual selves to.
Wise advice
If it’s too emotionally painful or even dangerous to be in a particular family member/s presence then limit the time you are at the family gathering.
Or make another time to celebrate with the safer members of your family, until resolution & healing can hopefully take place.
Christmas is to celebrate our Creator’s gift of love to us, His Son Jesus.
A gift that totally changed the course of human history for all eternity!
He came to bring peace & light to the hearts of men, women & children of all generations.
He is that peace, we just need to accept His light!
You may enjoy reading my personal journey in accepting His peace & light in My story...
Be kind to yourself dear friend & please have wisdom in this season, for you are very precious & loved by your Heavenly Father.
Until next time,
Jennifer
You’re most welcome to join me in The Reading Nook
Or
in Prayer
© 2018 Jennifer M. Ross, teawithjennifer.blog All Rights Reserved. Photo on Pexels.com
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Thank you for addressing an important and sensitive topic with wisdom and compassion. You are right – there is no perfect family. I think social media feeds this concept as well as Christmas movies and TV shows. When you look at IG or FB posts, all you see are happy families celebrating around a Christmas tree or beautiful table. You don’t see the frustrations, tears, heartaches and hurt that may be there in the background. We can only control our responses to others’ actions. Our response should always be made with love. Hope your holidays are merry, Jennifer!
Thank you Laurie & you’re right we can only control our own words, actions & reactions with a little kindness. I hope your holidays are merry too! 😀
Great reminders! It can be a difficult time for those with family and those without, kind of can be a no-win there. Hoping yours is lovely!
Wishing for a better day for you this Christmas Mishka! 😀
Such wisdom and truth here, Jennifer! Our reaction is so very important. We can rewrite the future by our reactions to others. Reacting in love is a habit we must form in order to have positive interactions with difficult people.
Absolutely we can Anita! And thank you for your kind words. 😀
Thank you, Jennifer for this real look at the heightened stress of the Christmas season. A look around the blog world reminds me that many are experiencing this very thing. Thanks for the practical advice, as well – to limit our interactions in toxic situations. This Christmas, I’m reminding myself to simply come to Jesus for the peace that He offers. Blessed Christmas to you!
I like your summary of our reflection time together Carlie & so glad that Jesus is your source of the peace that passes all understanding 😀
This is a great post, Jennifer! It’s so true, there are no perfect families whatever the media might tell us and it is important to remember those who struggle particularly at this time of year. I like the sound of the Turkish Delight tea!
It was delicious Lesley, thank you for your kind words 😀
And yet when Jesus was born, angels sang “peace on earth”. May God help us continually find that peace. Thanks for this post, Jennifer. Blessings to you!
You’re most welcome Boma!
Yes I agree as highlighted in the above reflection “He is the peace ~ the peace on earth”… also known as the Prince of Peace…
And as mentioned we need to be working hopefully towards a resolution & healing in these painful family situations…
In the meantime we need to have wisdom for the safety of all concerned 😀
I am so grateful that my husband and I have been able to find joy and peace at Christmas by focusing on the Advent season and readings and quietly welcoming His birth.
What a beautiful time & focus to have as a couple together Elizabeth, just lovely 😀
It is sweet indeed.
Well said indeed, Jennifer. I shared some of those similar themes in my Thanksgiving post and a post early last week. In our own family, both of my husband’s parents died in December of different years as did a grandparent. Then his younger brother (as an adult) committed suicide on Christmas Eve after never dealing with the grief of the death of his teenage son eight years previously. What you have shared are reminders that are important to read no matter what the season may be for us personally. Blessings on you, my friend!🎄
Pam your family have traveled a difficult path, which I can emphasize with, my prayers are with you at this time of the year dear friend. ♥
Thanks for the reminder and tips, Jennifer. There are so many hurting souls around us and surely none of us are perfect, but reaching others with our Savior’s love and light is even more crucial in these times when the hurting need healing. May the Lord help us to love more and judge less. ❤
Amen Bette! ♥
Hugs & Happy Weekend! ❤ xo
Jennifer, Christmas can be so difficult for so many. Your counseling experience has seen it for sure. I am grateful for Godly parents who taught by example and for God’s grace in our lives. We are imperfect people who love a perfect God. Thank you for writing and encouraging❤️
Yes Pam it is comforting to know we have an amazing & perfectly loving Heavenly Father. How I long to see many more come to experience that comfort.♥