This was a statement made to me  many years ago by a patient, when I asked why they thought their friend was lying, they replied;

“Because she won’t look me in the eye when she talks to me!”

Hmmmm….

We will be exploring this important topic today as many people use this as a measurement for honesty in others.

But is this wise to do so?

Before we begin grab yourself a cuppa, a treat & get comfy.

The belief surrounding this measurement of Honesty 

Like that patient, we may have grown up with this measurement of honesty & we may have used this in our life for that reason.

But is there any actual truth to this belief?

The short answer will shock you, as it’s a resounding…No!

There are many reasons why a person may feel uncomfortable in holding eye contact with another.

And those reasons have nothing to do with lying, being dishonest or being deceptive.

So let’s explore some of these & how this belief made its way into popular culture.

Where it all began

You may be surprised to know that this belief ‘of looking a person in the eye as a measurement of their honesty’ actually originates thousands of years ago.

As the eyes were believed to be a window to the soul. Which has perpetrated  down through the ages.

And then in the time of the Jack the Ripper murders in England, the belief of Optography, that the eyes were thought to record an imprint of the last thing a person saw as they died was explored in the victims, to hopefully glimpse the murderer, of course the results were to no avail.

Current Research

There has been a great deal of research done in the last two decades on this topic of eye contact & eye movement in relation to honesty with the explosion of the ‘body language’ movement & popular fictional forensic shows.

With the miss held belief that a person who is lying will either look to the left or right when they’re lying depending on which hemisphere of the brain they use, either right or left brained (which has also been debunked as we use both sides of the brain interchangeably).

Research found that a practiced liar will look another person in the eye & tell an absolute untruth without losing eye contact or having any eye movement!

Reasons for a lack of eye contact

There can be many reasons for a lack of eye contact, some are;

• Cultural reasons, in many cultures it is disrespectful to hold eye contact with another.
• Past abuse, the abuser may have intimidated by holding eye contact with their victim & had a certain ‘look’ that spelt coming abuse.
• Social anxiety, those who have social anxiety find it extremely difficult to hold eye contact.
• Confrontation, it can be very confronting for some people to hold eye contact, especially if they’re non confrontational.
• Family culture, a person’s upbringing around holding eye contact will have a huge bearing how they process this in adulthood.

So what can we take away from this?

We know that in expressing emotions our eyes are involved, just how much depends on the expressive nature of the individual.

As some individuals are much more expressive then others.

For example we know that the eyes can be used to stare down an opponent in competition, also in intimidation of another or in an aggressive stance.

We know that babes look into their mother’s eyes for reassurance & comfort.

Those of us who are parents know that we can give our child ‘a certain look’ of disapproval when they’re misbehaving that will tell them we are not impressed by their behaviour.

We can also give our loved ones a look to express our love, reassurance & comfort.

Yes, we can express a great deal in our emotions that include our eyes…

But holding eye contact with another as a measurement of honesty isn’t one of the them.

Scripture tells us that our eyes are important, especially in how we use them (what we choose to look at) as they’re a direct link to how our thought life is going.

We see this in Jesus’ message of the Sermon on the Mount;

“The eye is the lamp of the body; so if your eye is clear [spiritually perceptive], your whole body will be full of light [benefiting from God’s perspective].”

Matt 6:22

How do we tell someone is lying?

This is tricky, even for us professionals!

While parents can often tell (but not always) when they’re child is lying by their child’s body language because they know their child.

In others it is far more difficult as body language is not a science & one size does not fit all in behaviour or body movement.

Personally, I like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, in other words trust that they’re telling me the truth until proven otherwise.

I’d love to hear how you measure truth in others.

Until next time,

Jennifer

You’re also most welcome to join me in The Reading Nook

Or in Prayer

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