Listening…

“Are you still there?” asked the voice on the other end…our mobile signal here at home is poor & intermittent…but this wasn’t the issue….”yes I am still here, I was listening to what you were saying” I replied…..”Oh, I thought we had lost the signal” said the voice…

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Today I am having a cup of Lf café latte…a treat I often have when I am out & about…it is accompanied by some Gf sweet almond bread. We are sitting out over the water at a village restaurant which is on the marina. I can hear the gentle lapping of the water under my feet & the squawking of the seagulls in the background, it isn’t busy at this time of the morning, so it’s quiet & relaxing…I have found a table for us in the sunshine looking out over the bay…shall we begin our time of reflection together…

Listening, communicating & conversations are different elements that successfully work together to bring clarity for understanding between two or more parties & nurtures relationships. But what happens when one or more of these elements aren’t functioning properly, like our mobile signals at times, we either get disjointed understanding, frustrated emotions or a break in connection…

Listening also involves complex high order cognitive functioning & processing of what is being communicated…& involves high levels of energy…..since having the demanding tenants take up residence…shared in Vanilla Rooibos Tea…I have struggled with energy levels, combined with the malady of what is known as “Fibro fog”…which is a brain haze that interrupts quick & effective cognitive processing especially for communication & language (we can’t think of the word we want to use or lose concentration in the conversation etc)…just like a bad mobile signal…fibro fog & low energy levels have disrupted my ability to converse on the phone, most days.

Just to add another ingredient in the mix…I am a listener & have always found listening much easier than talking (that’s why I enjoy writing, I can take time to process what I want to say! And if you have read my Meet Jennifer page you will know that my career involves professional listening!). Thus, if the other on the phone enjoys talking, I can listen while energy levels permit….but if the other is a listener,  then this creates a huge pressure…inducing stress to keep the conversation going…which in turn impacts the fibro fog… causing anxiety & my cognitive processes to overload & stall! Agghhh!

pexels-photo-355296.jpegHow to work through this overwhelming issue is one of the daily challenges we face…as there are many who experience brain fog in their chronic illnesses…the following is to share how I am addressing this malady;

  • Firstly, I have learnt to be kind to myself in this mind malaise, as I can not change the situation, there is no cure for the demanding tenants that have taken up residence (although I am definitely open & hoping for a miracle anytime!). In the meantime I am doing my best but I need to listen to my body’s capabilities each day. Otherwise the demanding tenant called Fibromyalgia will take its revenge tenfold.
  • I have shared the situation with family & friends, as best I can. Trusting, they have some understanding when I can not make or take calls…but that they are still very loved & cherished!

However, keeping the lines of communication open with family & friends is very important to me & I still desire a two-way connection with them otherwise isolation, dissociation & ultimately a disconnection can creep in…so…

  • I use other forms of communication to keep in contact…mainly in written format through mobile text messages & emails…until I have the opportunity to see them face to face & spend quality time together.

So, if a significant other in your life has chronic health issues, that have irreversibly changed their lives, please be kind, patient & compassionate with their new normal…they really are trying to do their very best in the daily challenges they face…they aren’t rejecting you, they are still who they have always been, they can still be who they are in these challenges….but they do need that understanding from you…

If you are the one facing these challenges, be kind to yourself! I would love to hear what your coping strategies are with the challenge of brain fog.

Well, the restaurant is much busier now & our lattes are finished, so it’s time for us to leave…until next time…dear friend…

Jennifer

Copyright: teawithjennifer.blog

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24 thoughts on “Listening…

  1. So many people have cognitive issues for a variety of problems, we should always assume kindly that there is a reason for the delay and not take it personally. I wish everyone would especially adopt this attitude on the highway. Thanks for the well written reminder.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Jennifer, you write so beautifully! Expectations can sometimes cause difficulties. Kindness and understanding go a long ways in accepting our own physical or cognitive issues as well as those that our friends and family may be dealing with on a daily basis. Blessings~

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I am so glad to have stopped here. There are times, I need to process what has been said even before I can give a reply. The pauses do not always mean a disconnect but time needed to give a wise response. Thank you for reminding me that we need to be patient and considerate and not rush others in conversation.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You’re welcome Joanne, we live in such a fast paced world that we really do need to slow down, we were created to process the world around us with contemplation & reflection… which takes time!

      Like

  4. So very well said, Jennifer. If we could only learn to be patient with each other in the process and believe the best of the other person. I am aware of fibromyalgia and how it impacts so much of a person’s life. I, too, have been a professional listener and resonate with what that can mean for folks like us. So many things alter this listening piece as we age as well.

    Thanks for sharing this part of your journey here. I am so blessed to be getting to know you and appreciate your words and how they invite me into personal communion with you each time I stop by and read your post!❤️

    Hugs,
    Pam

    Liked by 1 person

    • I appreciate your understanding & encouragement, I was hesitant to share this one but after much prayer knew it was important to share from personal experience as a therapist…because so many suffer from this malaise…& it has a huge impact on our lives.
      Kindness, patience, tolerance & understanding is needed.
      I am enjoying your visits too! ♡
      Jennifer

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Thank you for the reminder. I don’t always listen well.

    Your suggestions to keep the lines of communication open hits the mark. Although at this point in time I don’t suffer from an illness that prevents me from listening and talking, I know many that do. It breaks my heart how people pull away when a simple text would help. One doesn’t even have to have the “right” words just a hello might brighten a day.

    My prayer is I won’t forget those that go silent. We never know what another is going through.

    Thank you for sharing with Grace & Truth Link-Up.

    Blessings,

    Maree Dee
    (Saying a special prayer for you right now as you manage your illness)

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Have you made contact with Mandy Farmer? She links up at Inspire Me Monday and also writes about Fibro (her post is #20 this week). Thank you for honestly sharing some of the problems that this disease causes for those who suffer! Education is so important!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Listening seems to be a lost art these days for sure. It amazes me how many gatherings I attend where people are talking while the speaker is talking. Don’t even get me started about how techology has disrupted our ability to communicate. Kindness, courtesy, and attentiveness…that is how we want to be treated. We need to apply the golden rule more. Thanks for this beautifully writting post and for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Very well said! Listening well takes practice. I teach this to my children often, but sometimes I’m the one who needs a lesson in listening! Good point about being careful not to become too isolated- that’s dangerous territory too. Thank you for sharing! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Listening has always been one of the greatest forms of communication. Some people talk in between a speech with fully listening, while others listen attentively before they respond. I’m constantly working on my listening ability.

    Learned a lot Jennifer. Thank you for sharing ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  10. If we’d just accept people as they are and not try to make them into what we think they should be, things would be so much easier. Thanks for sharing, Jennifer. Blessings to you.

    Liked by 1 person

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