Hi, welcome my friend to a time of tea & reflection together.
Today I thought we would explore the expectations that are placed upon us & when we need to say, No!
First, let’s grab that all important cuppa. I’m enjoying a slice of toasted gf Banana Bread with butter melting upon its deliciousness & a cup of Berry tea.
As I write this on the East Coast of Australia it’s Wintery cold, so although the Sun is shining there’s a cold wind blowing in from the Antarctic so we’ll be enjoying our time indoors.
Expectations & Demands
In life there are always certain expectations placed upon us as responsible members of society.
This is just life on planet Earth & a part of being a contributing member of a cohesive society.
But I’m sure we’re all familiar with people who place their ideal expectations upon us & then demand we fill those expectations.
This is the topic we will be exploring today.
What does expectation entail?
Let’s define this before we continue because expectations always have an Ideal tag attached to them.
Ideal;
‘…implies perfection in reality or in concept’
Expectation is;
‘the feeling or belief that something will or should happen…
Expectations are interesting, aren’t they?
We often have expectations of our loved ones, our relationships, society & even ourselves.
The problem with expectations is that they’re constructed from our own perceptions.
Expectations involve a mixture of core beliefs, hopes, imaginings & past experiences.
We combine these, to have an anticipated but imagined outcome.
This can put undue pressure & stress on the focus of our expectation.
Giving an unrealistic level of expectancy which often results in disappointment.
This then leads to unfair judgements against whoever has not meet our expectations.
To be fair, there may be many circumstances surrounding unmet expectations in any relationship.
For example an individual may not be able to meet our expectations because of their own circumstances in life.
Or it’s simply beyond their capacity in their present season of life to meet those expectations.
While it is healthy to look forward to spending time with our friends & family, it is very unhealthy to have certain expectations that are unrealistic !
Because those expectations have been constructed by our own imaginings.
Let your Yes be Yes & your No be No…
There comes a time in life when expectations may become demands that we can not or should not meet.
A demand is;
This is the time we need to pause…
Within our pause we need to pray & seek God’s wisdom with such demands.
We also need to wisely consider our current personal capacity, responsibilities & commitments within our season of life.
If we cannot or should not meet these demands then we need to say…a kindly No.
For …’Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.’ Col 4: 6 Ref
We don’t need to give excuses as to why we can not meet those demands.
For as Jesus advised us in Matthew 5: 37,
‘Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ Anything more comes from the evil one.’ Ref
Until next time,
Jennifer
You’re also most welcome to join me in The Reading Nook
Or in Prayer
© 2023 Jennifer M. Ross, teawithjennifer.blog All Rights Reserved.
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It’s hard to say no, but you make a good point that we need to do so when necessary, and we don’t have to make an excuse for it.
It is hard to say No Lisa but many times it’s necessary for there are times when we actually jump in when we shouldn’t.
I used to feel guilty about ever saying no to people. But I had to realize that not everyone’s expectation is God’s. He made me with limitations, which reminds me I am not Him–I can’t possibility meet everyone’s needs. Sometimes saying no will help them turn to Him instead of me. And sometimes my no will make way for someone else’s yes.
I love your following statement Barbara;
‘Sometimes saying no will help them turn to Him instead of me. And sometimes my no will make way for someone else’s yes.’ I agree! 🙂
Stopping by for a cuppa, I’m so glad you wrote about this today. I’m a recovering people pleaser and better at saying no now. I have to keep Matthew 5: 37 in mind when I have to say no when someone’s trying to persuade me.
Visiting today from SSPS 272 #137&138.
Hi Paula, live that though dropped by for a cuppa today my friend 😊
Hey, Jennifer I love when you visit me for a cuppa ♥️
It’s zucchini season here – and I’m getting ready to make some bread. I make mine with pineapple so I don’t really taste the zucchini – LOL. This message – oh, how I needed to read it. You explain so well a challenge I am trying to walk grace through. Creating healthy expectations in our behavior is much easier, though, than walking in relationship with others when “expectations may become demands that we can not or should not meet.” That, my friend, is a minefield – and a hard one to navigate. Your post was a breath of insight that has fortified my resilience.
Thank you Maryleigh, I love how you put pineapple in your Zucchini bread to not taste the Zucchini lol!
Yes, it can be definitely hard to navigate, although with the Holy Spirit’s guidance it becomes much easier as we slowly but surely traverse that minefield 😉
Knowing I have a right and obligation to myself to say no when I can’t do something for someone else has saved me a lot of heartache. Thanks for sharing this lovely post at #SSPS272. My shares this week are #57 through 61 (some of my best posts for summer reading). Enjoy.
Lovely having you join me here for a cuppa today Nancy. 😊
I’m making some banana bread today (not that I’ll eat any; I make it for my husband and oldest son to enjoy the rest of us are not banana fans). I am really good at saying no but not so great at hearing no! LOL. I know this about myself though and try really hard to keep my expectations low.
I love that you know that about yourself Joanne & trying to work that though. Thank you for sharing that with us 🙂
During the years we worshiped with Quakers that saying was fundamental. It helped me realize that I often waffled instead of being clear. I only confused others.
That’s a great point Elizabeth, it’s being straight forward to allievate any confusion. Thank you!
As always, beautiful post!
Thank you 😊
Jennifer, as always your writings are so helpful and filled with God’s wisdom. It is hard when we or others have unreasonable expectations. I have always had a problem with saying No! Thank you, sweet friend for sharing.
You’re most welcome Pam. I think as women we find this particularly difficult to do, it’s a learning curve for us all 😊
Thank you, Jennifer,
David said in the Psalms, “My expectation comes only from Him.”
I try hard to make it a rule for my life by reminding myself…
No expectations, no disappointments!
If l do not follow this rule, then rejection rears its ugly head and that can be fatal!! Bless you richly my friend.
Thank you Heather, yes we need to be vigilant within our emotions. Blessings to you too 😊