Welcome dear friend, we are sitting in the warmth of our Autumn sun today…under our flourishing Jacaranda tree introduced in Tree of life…
I have an interesting tea blend called Prince of Wales for us to try & I have baked a Date loaf, sliced & spread with lashings of real creamy butter for our treat
Well now we have our tea, treats & are settled under the Jacaranda, let’s begin our reflection.
Dates of a different kind
My husband & I have just celebrated our wedding anniversary.
The other day we went for a drive out to where we had our first date, it was through the beautiful mountain range of this area.
We took a picnic, just like that first date & chatted about the years we’ve been married as we drove, remembering the many challenges we have faced, how we have grown together in those challenges & what our dreams are for the future.
This is called relationship, spending quality time together, chatting about past, present & future dreams.
Seeing where we have grown & what areas we still need to grow.
Raising issues for discussion before they become contentious is all important.
You see I believe where a relationship really reveals itself is behind closed doors.
Where only the two dwell, away from other eyes.
Where mutual respect, kindness, gentleness, dignity, consideration for each other & in how one speaks to the other is truly found or not.
Marriage is a relationship of equality
For marriage should always be a relationship of equality within the differing roles of marriage & mutual love demonstrated.
“For this is true relationship; being kind, considerate, gentle, loving, caring & in giving each other dignity! It should never be controlling & abusive in any way what so ever!”
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Refer
You see God Himself does not control anyone in relationship to Himself, He has given each one of us the freedom of choice in relationship to Him, we are free to choose to have that relationship with Him through His Son Jesus or not!
Thought to ponder;
If God does not control anyone in relationship to Himself. Then what right does anyone think they have to control another in a relationship?
Getting back to our picnic, we sat & ate our lunch looking out over the most picturesque quaint little country village.
We dreamed & planned together, we chatted about our desires for the future individually & as a couple.
We wondered where God would lead us & discussed where we are in Him at the moment.
As we drove home, we felt at one with each other in Him, having renewed those all important bonds of relationship, friendship & love.
Really listening to our partner
It takes time to listen to your partner, to give them our undivided attention, to see where they are coming from, to really enjoy their company & to appreciate them for who they are.
The person you fell in love with & to be able to see where you both are within your relationship presently.
Make time to do this often & you won’t be disappointed!
Note; If you are being controlled & abused in any way in your relationship, please seek professional help as soon as possible, you need to protect your physical, mental & spiritual wellbeing!
A professional can help you with strategies to address the situation safely.
While your partner either gets the help they need (if they seek it) or lives with the consequences of their behavior apart from you.
God does not expect anyone to live in a relationship that is controlling & abusive, ever!
Well, with the delightful tastes of the tea still lingering & as the Sun has moved its warmth now give, its time to go inside!
Until next time dear friend…
Jennifer
You’re most welcome to join me in The Reading Nook
Or
In Prayer
© 2018 Jennifer M. Ross, teawithjennifer.blog All Rights Reserved. Photo on Pexels.com
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Congratulations, Jennifer! It sounds like a lovely anniversary. Mutual love and respect are so important for a good relationship.
Thank you Lesley, it was lovely.
Hi Jennifer, I’m here from your comment at Messy Marriage, and I’m glad I came; this is such a thoughtful, hopeful, loving essay!
My wife and I are in a different place, as I’m terminally ill with a couple of truly unpleasant cancers (pancreatic and non-H lymphoma). There are no shared dreams; there will not be much of a shared future, and quality time together is usually quickly interrupted my by doubling over in agony.
But I can still pray for her, and even though talking is hard for me now, I can listen, maybe that’s enough.
Hi Andrew,
Lovely to have you drop by, I’m glad you enjoyed my post. Thank you for your kind words.
You sound like you are traveling a difficult journey with your wife alongside…a wonderful dream to share together at this time is your future hope together…
Let me explain;
I was a widow when I married my present husband, as my late husband, Gint, died from a Glioblatoma Multiforme grade 4,..In the time we had together before he graduated to glory… we shared the promised hope of our future in spending eternity with Jesus together…
Even though our time was very short during his terminal illness (12 weeks from diagnosis to his passing) that time was precious & is a treasured gem forever in my heart.
I’m sure your presence, prayer & listening is very precious to your wife. Your prayers will continue to be heard long after you cannot utter them…yes more than enough…
Jennifer
First of all, congratulations on your anniversary, Jennifer! Secondly, thanks for the tips on tea and date bread. I do love an English tea party! Thirdly, thank you for challenging us to spend quality time with our mates getting to know one another even better and forging deeper bonds. It’s just so important and something that my husband and I try to do. In fact, we are about to celebrate our anniversary with a trip this coming weekend. It will be a great time to do all the things you and your hubby got to do!
Thank you & I pray you have a precious time together!
Great thoughts, and thank you for your sensitivity to those who are in controlling and unhealthy relationships. We should never normalize that, and it was great that you put in a tiny word for anyone in that situation.
Thank you Michele.
Happy Anniversary, Jennifer! ❤ Your wise words remind us how to cultivate a true relationship–"…being kind, considerate, gentle, loving, caring & in giving each other dignity!" xo
Thank you Bette ♥
Happy Anniversary! You gave such an excellent description of a relationship (especially in the context of marriage). I love the way you celebrated the day together. On our 50th anniversary our daughter, son-in-law and grandchildren planned an afternoon where they took us on a drive stopping at significant places in our relationship….the university where we met, the football stadium where we had our first date, the restaurant we frequented in college, etc. It was such a treat! Have a blessed weekend.
Thank you Pam…
What a special treat from your family, how thoughtful & lovely to do it together too!
You have a blessed weekend too, I hope it doesn’t get too humid for you!
Happy Anniversary. We celebrate thirty years on June 18. The best news we ever received was at the church as we took our vows. We were promised that God would always be the third person in our marriage. That allowed us always to turn in prayer with all of the many struggles that come when you combine two families.
Thank you Elizabeth…
I love that verse from Ecclesiastes 4:12b “a three stranded cord is not easily broken” in other words God is the third strand in our Christian marriages, if we but allow Him, as you stated above! Thank you for that lovely reminder.
You are welcome.
HaPpY Anniversary Jennifer. 🌷💜🌷
LoL – I enjoyed a pot of Prince of Wales tea this morning. ☕️😎😎
Thank you Virginia! It’s a lovely way to start the day! ♡
A belated happy anniversary Jennifer. May you both continue to love and grow together…
Thank you Brigid, what a lovely thing to say! ♥
Beautifully said Jennifer. I feel blessed that respect is the cornerstone of my almost 29 year marriage. I just find it sad that people I know are living in abusive relationships, they name some of the inequalities yet continue to live with it or don’t insisting the other party seeks therapy. It is difficult to see people you love living miserable lives.
Thank you for your kind words!
It is very difficult to watch, however there is a certain dynamic in controlling & abusive relationships that causes the victim to lose their self worth, value, esteem & confidence which in turn keep them in the relationship far longer than is healthy…there may also be valid concerns for their or their children’s safety on or after they leave the relationship…especially when the children have to see the abusive partner on their own (who may not have necessarily witnessed the physical abuse of the victim directly but the fear & mistrust has already been well established in the dynamic of the abuse which creates real fear & concern), as State Supervised Access/visits are only a recent occurrence in western society & does not exist in many parts of the world.
There may be cultural, familial, religious, societal practices, ideology & stigmas or even financial reasons that may hold the victim in the relationship. Shame is also a huge factor in the dynamics of abuse.
The victims of abusive relationships… need our continuing love & support until they can reach the point to seek professional help to safely address the situation.
Thank you for your detailed response and I totally agree, particularly with cultural norms, shame and erosion of self confidence and self esteem being the barriers to change. I particularly try to be non-judgemental just offering lots of love and points of contact for professional advice and information. I have to accept that change will only happen if and when they are ready.
That is an absolutely perfect course of action Marie, you are doing a great job!
I felt your pain & sadness behind your words for your loved ones ♥ & I know bullying is a topic of great passion for you.
It is a subject close to my heart too, being the professional in these situations, can be both rewarding & painful at times. As we have clients who go on to lead healed & happier lives away from the abuser & also clients who return to the relationship….sadly with a negative outcome.
But we have to respect the choice of the client, they may not be quite ready to safely address the relationship just yet…respecting them & their choice though is the first step of empowerment they may have had in a long time.
Sending you blessings dear friend, ♥
Jennifer
Very true Jennifer, showing respect by being non-judgemental, allows for growing space! Thank you also Jennifer for sharing your authentic self and for your abundant kindness!
A pleasure Marie.