As I was watching a medical Documentry the other night, I asked myself the above question..
Because I found myself becoming sad & I wasn’t quite sure why!
After all I had seen many medical documentries before…
Welcome my friend come sit with me for awhile, as today is a special day, I am so glad you dropped by for our time together…
But first let’s grab a cuppa, today’s blend is a gift from my eldest daughter & comes from Outback Australia, it’s a combination of Australian Bush herbs.
The tea is very earthy & robust, the combination is so pleasing.
I pour a second cup, while I enjoy my treat, a home baked gf Date & Coffee loaf, for a little reflection.
Then I had a lightbulb moment…
The documentary was about lifesaving surgical procedures for the unborn in Utero.
It suddenly occurred to me in that moment that this documentary was triggering grief, & then I realised it was that time of the year again!
My attention had been so focused upon the things of the present.
That I had not realised that time was approaching but my subconscious had & my spirit was reacting.
You see today’s special occasion is my only son Benjamin’s birthday…
However, he won’t be joining us to celebrate today.
Because, you see, it’s also the anniversary of his passing.
You see he was born sleeping (stillborn) many years ago.
Over the years I have come to no longer grieve a life not lived, though I do find myself quite reflective & some years a touch emotional at this time.
I like to remember him in contemplative reflection, with a special cup of tea & a tasty treat…it’s quite healing to do so.
You see you never get ‘over’ the loss of a child
Rather you come to a place of acceptance & live in that acceptance.
Accepting that he lived & died within & that I’m absolutely assured of seeing him again through the promises of being born anew of the Spirit.
“Yes, we have confident & hopeful courage that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.”
2 Corinthians 5: 8 paraphrased
Over the years, I have had the privilege of sharing my story many times, to many people, in many different places of the globe, both as a guest speaker & personally.
However, I had not written my experience of losing two of my children in book format.
In 2017 I launched my vignette which you may access in a complimentary read HERE
This exercise was so therapeutic, being able to put these important experiences of my life into a vignette to help others was a blessing.
It’s healthy to grieve a life lost & acknowledge that they’re gone from this life.
It’s also okay to remember them!
You may like to visit the grave with fresh flowers or walk along the beach in quiet contemplation on their birthdays or anniversaries.
Write a memorial in memory of them or just be alone in a time of quiet reflection with a cuppa, as I like to do each year.
These are all healthy ways of processing grief.
These activities help us to heal my friend for they are healing activities.
What do you do to remember & honour your loved One when special dates come round? Feel free to share below in the comments.
A professional note;
Being stuck in any particular area of grief eg. anger, deep sadness, fear of the future without your loved one, blame, denial, regret, or an overwhelming feeling of loneliness, for a prolonged period of time, not processing your grief, is mentally unhealthy.
If you find that this has happened to you, please seek professional help in your area now.
So that you may live the abundant life you were created to live!
Until next time,
Jennifer
You’re most welcome to join me in The Reading Nook
or
in Prayer
© 2022, Jennifer M. Ross, teawithjennifer.blog All Rights Reserved. Photo by Nurlan Tortbayev on Pexels.com
Tea With Jennifer 
I felt out of sorts this February – and now I understand why. {{{HUGS}}} my friend, as we wait for the meeting one day – to hugs and hope! ~ Maryleigh
Amen! Hugs & hope to you too Maryleigh 💕
thankful that you have shared your story of deepest loss, Jennifer. this is a tender mercy. we lost our grandson when he was a baby. whenever we’re in town, we always go to ‘see’ him at the cemetary. my tears are quiet but they are there.
My heart goes out to you Linda, I love that you go to ‘see’ him when you’re in town. Sending you understanding hugs my friend ❤️
“Seasonal memories” truly affect us.
That they do Susan, it’s what we do with them that counts though…we have a loving Father who is waiting for us to come to Him for His comfort 🤗
Jennfer, thinking about you and your loss. Love your point about just because you accept something does not stop the emotions around that topic. We grieve and acceptance comes, but we will still feel tender and waylaid by emotions that arise around that topic or event. Sometimes we mistakenly think that if we have emotions related to something in the past, we have not healed. I think it just shows that we have tenderness in that area, and we can allow that tenderness to show as empathy for others in similar situations. God did not design us to not hurt or feel deep loses again, or we would be robots and not human.
I agree Theresa, we were created to be an emotional people in the image of God. Often we forget this. As we have a very loving Heavenly Father. Lovely having you drop by today 🤗
Celebrating the life of your sweet Benjamin in heaven, Jennifer. I have a little girl (Kali) there waiting for me. She lived an hour and a half here.
I so agree with you: “You never get ‘over’ the loss of a child. Rather you come to a place of acceptance & live in that acceptance.” I’m currently grieving another type of loss in my life, and I’m reminded that if I came to a place of acceptance with Kali, I can come to a place of acceptance (eventually) with my new loss as well.
Celebrating Kali’s sweet life in Heaven with you Lisa. 🤗
I’m saddened to hear you are going through another type of loss at the moment.
Yes, we are resilient women in God because He carries us through but we still grieve a loss no matter what type it is, don’t we…
I know when I lost my health to chronic autoimmune conditions, which lead to a ‘sabbatical from my professional career’ which eventually turned into ‘early retirement’…it took a long while to eventually come into a place of acceptance.
In that I couldn’t be the professional nor socialise or be involved in all the things with my family as before. Grief is definitely a process.
Praying for you sweet friend. 💕
Grief does that, doesn’t it? I appreciate that this time you could find its source. Sometimes I just have to breathe into it without knowing where it arouse. Thankfully God is there whether I identify the cause or not.
Yes, that’s so very true, God is with us no matter what & in His arms we can be comforted Elizabeth.
Jennifer, such a sweet post and remembrance of your sweet son, Benjamin. While it is painful that you have not enjoyed this life with him, what a blessing to know when his eyes opened the first time, they saw Jesus! And in the next life, there will be no more good byes.
Thank you Donna, I love how you put that, how wonderful! ❤️
Jennifer, thank you for sharing. Grieving is a process that is difficult at best. I know you will see Benjamin again. Prayers and hugs, sweet friend 🙏🏻🙏🏻
Thank you sweet friend ❤️
Hmm. Thanks for sharing your experience ma’am. And for blessing others with it too. “Comfort others with the comfort ye have received” ❤️
Thank you Herry. ❤️
Hugs!
We can’t control when a memory sweeps over us, BUT we can pray through it.
Thank you & that we can Barb 🤗