As I opened the package of a new tea blend the most beautiful aroma filled the air. I was excited, as the aroma of this tea had my expectations very high for a delightful tea adventure. Welcome to our time of reflection together my friend…
Shall I set the scene…
It’s a hot summer’s day, I have brewed a pot of this new blend & placed some cups, treats & milk jug on the tray to transport them to the garden, to sit under our beautiful Jacaranda tree where hubby is joining me for our afternoon cuppa together.
I pour the hot amber liquid into my cup…I lift it to my lips, closing my eyes to linger in the moment of that very first sip of a new taste…but…my expectations were sadly not met…the flavor is bland & bitter!
Expectations are interesting aren’t they…
We often place huge expectations on love & romance, especially on our significant others.
Although the problem with expectations is that they are constructed from our own perceptions involving a mixture of imaginings, beliefs & hopes which have quite often been influenced by fictional romance.
We combine these, to have an anticipated imagined outcome. This can put undue pressure on a relationship.
Giving an unrealistic level of expectancy which may result in disappointment (& quite often does). Then hurt, frustration & a feeling of resentment begins to fester.
When this happens we need to stand back & take a good look at ourselves…to get a good view of exactly what we had been expecting & why we feel the way we do when this expectation wasn’t met. Journaling is good for this…
We need to look at the situation practically, as our partner may not be able to meet our expectations… Did they even know we had these expectations?
If we thought we had communicated our expectations, had they actually understood…to gain further insight please read Language of relationships…
You see dear friend, it’s very unhealthy to have expectations of our partner that they can never meet because they’re unrealistic…
A good question to to ask ourselves with Valentine’s Day approaching is what are we expecting from our partner?
What romantic notions are we imaging in our minds? The romantic gestures seen in movies, marketing & romance novels are not necessarily everyone’s cup of tea for romance!
My dear hubby often says he doesn’t have a romantic bone in his body (this is the man who proposed marriage on Valentine’s Day!)…thus, he gets anxious when these type of days come along thinking he will disappoint…But that has never been the case!
Because I don’t have expectations of a market driven romantic experience! Rather, I see a man who demonstrates his love to me through the little things in our life together that come from a gentle, kind & loving heart.
Although he doesn’t think these things are romantic, I see them as such…to me they’re precious acts of love!
What about the expectations we have of the lover of our souls?
You know those prayers we prayed in faith expecting the answer to those situations to go how we imagined!
Then when those prayers don’t get answered in the way we had hoped…for a bad situation to change or for our loved one to be healed, we get a little disappointed & yes if we’re honest maybe a little resentful towards God.
However this isn’t how God works & we need to understand this important truth…You see He didn’t promise to fulfill our expectations for prayer in the way we think they should go.
Rather He promised to answer in a way that fulfills His will for our life & the lives of those we love which is far wiser then anything we could imagine. For He has said…
“I know the plans that I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to give you future & a hope…”
Jeremiah 29: 11
Being kinder in our expectations…
May we include understanding, love & respect, acknowledging the lovely things our partners do.
Recognizing God’s love working in the everyday little acts of consideration & kindness to us…Relishing the beautiful moments with a loving spouse.
Now that’s a special blend for the perfect cup of romance in my book!
Until next time…
Jennifer
You’re most welcome to join me in The Reading Nook
Or in Prayer
2020 Jennifer M. Ross, teawithjennifer.blog All Rights Reserved. Photos on Pexels.com
Tea With Jennifer 
How grateful I am for wisdom which comes from many years together – both with my husband and with God 🙂 In writing that I realized … I am grateful for a loving God who provided a loving husband for me.
Yes, a blessed marriage is truly a blessing straight from God’s hand Joanne.
So often our expectations do get in our way and cause resentment and anger. Especially when we feel they should read our minds and know what we want (which is a recipe for disaster!). I have learned that if i want something specific, I better communicate it to my man and then still hold loose expectations. I have also come to understand the ways in which he says I love you and appreciate him for that.
Wise words Theresa!
My brother was married 17 years before he died. We talked often about marriage. One thing he said that stays with me is this; people come into marriage with unrealistic expectations. Whether realistic or unrealistic, whether single, like I am or, married like you are, communication is the key. Before that, we need to examine our expectations to see where else they can be met instead of burdening our friends and spouses.
You’re brother was correct Yvonne & I agree communication is the key in all relationships, no matter who they are with or our marital status. 😊
I think we all enter marriage with inappropriate expectations – and it takes years to adjust them. We still haven’t quite worked out who’s taking out the garbage – but I’ve stopped expecting him to be the one to heal my brokenness. When I let God be God and my husband be my husband – our relationship became a healthier, more beautiful thing! I think pre-marriage counseling needs to deal with expectations more! Shalom, Jennifer~ Maryleigh
I agree Maryleigh! 😀
What a wonderful post! I am so blessed with a romantic hubby. He almost always exceeds my expectations, and God always provides more than I expect or imagine. Thanks for linking up with us at A GATHERING OF FRIENDS LINK PARTY 12
Thank you Sylvia! 😀
Such a perfect comparison regarding expectations!!
Thank you Susan! Lovely having you over for a cuppa 😀