Ouch! That hurt! Emotional pain…

Welcome to our time of tea & reflection dear friend. Today as we sip our cuppas & enjoy our treat, we will be reflecting upon situations that cause hurt & ache to our hearts & spirits…

fashion woman notebook penI have a pot of refreshing Strawberry sensation tea, as one cup is just not enough & a slice of gf Vanilla bean Pavlova which is a light & spongy meringue cake topped with coconut yogurt, sliced strawberries, blackberries & tiny crunchy coconut rolls for our treat (my youngest daughter’s creation this past weekend). Mmmm delicious!

In the last few weeks, as I have been out & about with my husband’s emergency, many I have met along the way & even strangers, have shared their emotional pain with me. Their pain was caused by friends or family in significant hurtful actions, inactions, words or behavior. This type of offense deeply wounds our hearts, especially when it comes from the people we trusted, loved & respected the most…does it not!

Let me make this personal…I have the particular temperament that is not easily offended as I believe in giving people the “benefit of the doubt” in a situation that may have seemed offensive, hurtful or even out of character for them at the time. However, I am not shy when the need arises for gentle correction either…

Recently, I too suffered just such an emotional wound to my heart that caused a gnawing ache within my spirit!

So…what do we do when our heart aches?

Firstly…As I shared in Pause & Reflect… we need to do just that, pause…& reflect to recognize why this hurt is causing us so much emotional pain.

I find journaling very therapeutic in times like this, as writing out our emotions can really help us to sort through the jumbled thoughts that get tangled within the painful emotions we are experiencing.

You see dear friend, we have a choice, we can either hold on to that hurt & nurture it, feeding it with lots of resentment until one day it’s fully grown into bitterness.

And you know what bitterness does? It consumes & takes over whatever it touches! Bitterness causes nasty defensive behavior, very often directed towards the people who love us the most & whom have nothing to do with the emotional pain we are experiencing…

OR

We can choose to grace the person/s who caused such heart ache…

Let’s explore this one & see what grace entails…

Last week I shared the amazing grace that was demonstrated in the most unexpected emergency we recently had with my husband in Grace in the unexpected… .

But it’s not so easy to give grace when we’re hurting, is it! To be gracious to the one who has really hurt us entails giving up that pain & choosing not to nurture our hurt.

It entails a deliberate & purposeful decision on our part to forgive the person who caused the pain.

You may be thinking that this is…Easier said then done Jennifer! And I understand that…

Please note I am not talking about any type of abuse or criminal activity inflicted upon a person here. That type of emotional pain needs professional help to heal. If you are in that place, please seek a professional counselor, therapist or pastor who can walk alongside you in your healing process.

So, let’s take a look at our own emotional behavior for a minute & ask ourselves the following;

Why are we hurting? This is a reflective question, name your hurt. Example; I felt rejected, abandoned, disrespected, unloved, unimportant, not considered or humiliated…

Why is our heart aching to such an intensity? An answer to this question may be…I thought the relationship had more mutual respect, consideration & love than the recent actions, words or behavior have shown.

What expectations did we have in this relationship? Are the expectations we had, just that…their our expectations which may be unrealistic for the other to meet, as shared in Iced Wine tea…

Does the other person have any idea that their action, inaction, words or behavior have caused such hurt? 

Do they need to know….if the hurt has happened indirectly?

Once we have journaled our emotions & answered the above we can see where we are at, within ourselves.

Then, we can consider where the other person may be at, in their lives at the moment, they may be preoccupied with pressures & stresses that we are not privileged too…Not an excuse for the offense but a reason at least, for their uncharacteristic behavior.

“…& the grace of our Lord was more than abundant, with the faith & love which are found in Christ Jesus.”

1 Timothy 1:14

A personal note; The person who caused my emotional pain is not aware they have wounded my heart by their actions & after journaling, prayerful reflection & consideration.

I have chosen to use the grace given to me in great measure to forgive & forget…This person is going through challenging times in their own life at the moment, I know it would pain them to know their actions caused me such hurt…

Ahhh, sweet release, no more aching heart! The healing power of grace & forgiveness found through Christ is real. 

What are you doing with your emotional pain…my dear friend?

Until next time…

Jennifer

 

 

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28 thoughts on “Ouch! That hurt! Emotional pain…

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  1. Forgiving someone who has hurt you (whether they are aware or not) can sometimes be a tremendous challenge. The heartbreak which results without extending forgiveness will often wind up bringing you down. Learning to extend grace toward others and forgive unconditionally has been one of the most important lessons that I’ve learned.

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  2. Jennifer, I feel like you wrote this post just for me. Something happened with an older member of my family that caused bitterness to well up inside of me. I have been praying for forgiveness to enter my heart. This post has been an answer to those prayers. Praying for you in your situation too!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’ve had a very recent similar upsetting experience Jenifer and after days of ruminating, I finally nurtured and calmed myself enough to understand the reason I felt so upset was because I felt excluded. The event probably impacted so much because of our family experience of bullying. I have been able to acknowledge that the person is in a bad situation but as this is historical feel I am growing towards pointing out the behaviour but know it could be badly received. Thank you for sharing valuable insights. Marie Xx

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  4. Jennifer – You bring great wisdom to the table. I too am pinning this for future reference. I recently didn’t do the pause and boy what a mess it made. Funny thing was I was clearly wronged, but actions led to me hurting someone else who should not have been impacted by it. We don’t have to solve everything. Thank you for sharing with Grace & Truth Christian Link-Up. Maree

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m sorry to hear you are in such emotional agony Laine. That is such a difficult place to be in…
      I too have experienced such betrayal in my life… & I found in that time I had the power of choice, which was extremely freeing & began the healing process…because it is a process.
      We cannot control another’s behavior towards us but we can choose how we react to their betrayal.
      And that can be choosing to come to the emotional place of being able to let them go on their chosen path… shared in Feeling Alone…

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I am increasingly aware of the times in the past when I was given much grace by others for my thoughtless belief that I was right. That certainly allows me to cut others a great deal of slack today.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Thanks for sharing, Jennifer. We all feel overwhelmed emotionally by the hurtful words or actions of other at times–be it intentional on their part or not. Only by the grace of our dear Lord Jesus and the Holy Spirit, we are able to extend that grace to others. ❤ Blessing, my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. This is so good –because, whether we like it or not –we all battle with emotional pain and relationships that hurt us… sometimes on purpose, and sometimes (somehow) they are unaware of the pain they cause. This question is the one that made me catch my breath: “What expectations did we have in this relationship?” SO GOOD… and so often, it really is our own unexpressed expectations that breed discontent! Great questions to journal and pray into! Thanks so much!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Hi Jennifer, Thank you so much for sharing your heart here and for the encouraging and helpful insights you have provided for dealing with our hurts in a healthy, God-centered way.

    I recently started journaling myself and I wasn’t sure I was going to find it helpful, but it is amazing what happens when you put pen to paper and how feelings can get sorted out by just that simple act.

    I always enjoy my visits here.

    Blessings,

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lovely to have you drop by Karen :-D! Yes I’m an advocate for journaling as it truly is a wonderful medium for sorting out our emotions & also to sort through inner thoughts & whats going on in our head/heart space 😉

      Like

  9. Ooof, this is so important. I so resonate with the choice to offer grace or cling to resentment… in the past sadly, I’ve grasped at a lot of resentment and am now needing to learn how to forgive whilst maintaining boundaries and be loving. God will guide me through this, I know.

    Thank you for your insight!
    x

    Liked by 1 person

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