Welcome to our time of tea & reflection dear friend.
Today as we sip our cuppa’s & enjoy a treat, we will be reflecting upon situations that cause hurt.
I have a pot of refreshing Strawberry sensation tea, as one cup is just not enough.
And a slice of gf Vanilla bean Pavlova which is a light & spongy meringue cake topped with coconut yoghurt, sliced strawberries, blackberries & tiny crunchy coconut rolls for our treat (my youngest daughter’s creation this past weekend). Mmmm delicious!
In the last few weeks, as I have been out & about with my husband’s emergency, many I’ve met along the way & even strangers, have shared their emotional pain with me.
Their pain was caused by friends or family in significant hurtful actions, inactions, words or behaviour.
This type of offense deeply wounds our hearts, especially when it comes from the people we trusted, loved & respected the most, does it not?
Let me make this personal…
I have the particular temperament that is not easily offended as I believe in giving people the “benefit of the doubt” in a situation that may have seemed offensive, hurtful or even out of character for them at the time.
However, I am not shy when the need arises for gentle correction either.
Recently, I too suffered just such an emotional wound to my heart that caused a gnawing ache within my spirit!
So, what do we do when our heart aches?
Firstly, as I shared in Pause & Reflect… we need to do just that, pause & reflect to recognize why this hurt is causing us so much emotional pain.
I find journaling very therapeutic in times like this, as writing out our emotions can really help us to sort through the jumbled thoughts that get tangled within the painful emotions.
You see dear friend, we have a choice, we can either hold on to that hurt & nurture it, feeding it with lots of resentment until one day it’s fully grown into bitterness.
And you know what bitterness does?
It consumes & takes over whatever it touches!
Bitterness causes nasty defensive behaviour, very often directed towards the people who love us most & whom have nothing to do with the emotional pain we are experiencing.
OR
We can choose to grace the person/s who caused us such heart ache.
Let’s explore this one & see what grace entails…
Last week I shared the amazing grace that was demonstrated in the most unexpected emergency we recently had with my husband in Grace in the unexpected… .
But it’s not so easy to give grace when we’re hurting, is it?
To be gracious to the one who has really hurt us entails giving up that pain & choosing not to nurture our hurt.
It entails a deliberate & purposeful decision on our part to forgive the person who caused the pain.
You may be thinking that this is, easier said then done Jennifer! And I understand that…
Please note; I am not talking about any type of abuse or criminal activity inflicted upon a person here. That type of emotional pain needs professional help to heal. If you are in that place, please seek a professional counselor, therapist or pastor who can walk alongside you in your healing process.
So, let’s take a look at our own emotional behaviour for a minute & ask ourselves the following.
Why are we hurting?
This is a reflective question, name your hurt……….
Examples; rejected, abandoned, disrespected, unloved, unimportant, not considered, not heard or humiliated.
Why is our heart aching to such intensity?
An answer to this question may be, I thought the relationship had more mutual respect, consideration & love than the recent actions, words or behaviour have shown.
What expectations did we have in this relationship?
Are the expectations we had, just that, our expectations which may be unrealistic for the other to meet, as shared in Iced Wine tea…
Does the other person have any idea that their action, inaction, words or behaviour have caused us such hurt?
Do they need to know, if the hurt has happened indirectly?
Once we have journaled our emotions & answered the above we can see where we are at within ourselves.
Then, we can consider where the other person may be at, in their lives at the moment, they may be preoccupied with pressures & stresses that we are not privileged too.
Not an excuse for the offense but a reason at least, for their uncharacteristic behaviour.
“…& the grace of our Lord was more than abundant, with the faith & love which are found in Christ Jesus.”
1 Timothy 1:14
A personal note; The person who caused my emotional pain is not aware they have wounded my heart by their actions & after journaling, prayerful reflection & consideration.
I have chosen to use the grace given to me in great measure to forgive & forget.
This person is going through challenging times in their own life at the moment, I know it would pain them to know their actions caused me such emotional pain.
Ahhh, sweet release, no more aching heart! The healing power of grace & forgiveness found through Christ is real.
What are you doing with your emotional pain dear friend?
Until next time,
Jennifer
You’re most welcome to join me in The Reading Nook
Or in Prayer
© 2019 Jennifer M.Ross, teawithjennifer.blog All Rights Reserved. Photo by Pexels.com
& featured at Grace & Truth link up
Tea With Jennifer 
Dear Jennifer,
I am just today catching up with your posts about the grace given you all as your husband went through his recent emergency! Praise God for His great care. I am finding that same grace with my husband now too. And I also pray about that grace given for emotional pain too. I have several places where God has asked me to continue asking for His grace–sometimes it’s a process when those issues come up in our memories and He takes the forgiveness and grace deeper. Thank you for sharing your lovely thoughts and precious Scriptures today: Abundant grace, oh how I need that today. Blessings to you, dear friend.
You’re most welcome sweet friend! It’s a journey of trust with Him carrying us through when our dear loved ones are going through times that seem out of control. And we can’t necessarily be present with them in it, when we ourselves have limiting conditions…
Trusting Him that He is there with them we can rest in that knowledge & grace…♥
Some we can offer grace to – and they just revolve out of our lives. When it happens within family where disentangling is not a choice – grace every time – whether the hurt was intentional or not. Maybe they just needed to grow up? Maybe they are on a God journey and I’m just on the bad end of a debris shower. It doesn’t stop my heart from hurting, though – yet I walk in faith that grace works it all out!
Yes, I think when it’s family it has more of a sting to the hurt (especially close family). God puts us in families for a reason though…to learn so many things including growing the fruit of grace…& the other fruits of the Spirit.
Lovely to have you join me her today Maryleigh. 😀
The journaling questions you mentioned were very useful. I will have to jot them down. They get straight to the heart of the matter.
I am linking my recent faith-based post on Psalm 23, if interested!
Thank you Elena! Journaling is such a useful tool to process our emotions.
I’ll come on over 😀
Ooof, this is so important. I so resonate with the choice to offer grace or cling to resentment… in the past sadly, I’ve grasped at a lot of resentment and am now needing to learn how to forgive whilst maintaining boundaries and be loving. God will guide me through this, I know.
Thank you for your insight!
x
Yes, He will Anastasia 😀
Hi Jennifer, Thank you so much for sharing your heart here and for the encouraging and helpful insights you have provided for dealing with our hurts in a healthy, God-centered way.
I recently started journaling myself and I wasn’t sure I was going to find it helpful, but it is amazing what happens when you put pen to paper and how feelings can get sorted out by just that simple act.
I always enjoy my visits here.
Blessings,
Lovely to have you drop by Karen :-D! Yes I’m an advocate for journaling as it truly is a wonderful medium for sorting out our emotions & also to sort through inner thoughts & whats going on in our head/heart space 😉