Welcome! We are sitting at the waterfront today.
Watching the Sailing Club with their boats out on the bay racing around the point & back.
Sipping iced tea & munching on a variety of treats.
I had a conversation recently with a lady who was lamenting over the fact that her & her husband rarely speak the same language.
She was talking about the communication gap that they often experience as a couple.
I think we can all relate to the following scenario.
Sharing your soul
You’re happily talking to your partner & you know exactly what your trying to convey.
So, you look over at them to see if they’re listening & have really heard what you’ve said.
But your partner gives you that blank look, you know that blank look, that tells you they have absolutely no idea what your talking about!
Or worse still, the wounded look which tells you they have heard what you said, completely misunderstood & taken offense! Huh?
Now it’s your turn to be gobbed smacked (mouth open in disbelief)!
How could they possibly not understand a word of what you just said & taken offence as well! Hmmmm!
The language of relationships are not always plain sailing, are they?
Especially in those seasons that are busy or bring extra tension with them.
The dynamics of communication can get awfully choppy, even stormy at times & at other times it can go into the doldrums with no fresh breeze of understanding to move forward.
Dialects within Relationships
Let me personalize this…
My husband Steve & I are both Australian born & have the same cultural heritage & spiritual relationship, our main spoken language is English.
However we speak two different dialects, his is called Stevenese & mine is Jenniferese!
These dialects are forged throughout our lives through the lenses of personality, character, familial culture in childhood, gender differences, life experiences, perceptions, beliefs & world views.
Having these two vastly differing dialects in the relationship can be challenging at times leading to crosswinds, confusing the direction of our chartered course.
There is also the language of behaviour which is a non verbal communication that we are not consciously aware but is picked up by our perceptive partner.
Let me explain this…
Language of Behaviour
Steve & I are what would be described as a quieter couple, he is mostly a listener & processor who enjoys his own company.
I too am a listener & processor who also enjoys time to myself, as well as socializing.
However, I can get too caught up in my own quiet thoughts of analyzing, processing, reflecting on all things in life (a legacy of my Clinical Counseling career).
This can be a signal to my husband that I’m a bit too quiet & I’m trying to work out something that is concerning me.
Where he can have a tendency to process his thoughts through the colored lense of a glass half empty viewpoint which in turn signals to me that he is concerned about an issue.
Solution…
“He caused the storm to be still, so that the waves of the sea were hushed.
Then they were quiet; So He guided them to their desired haven.
Let them give thanks to the Lord for His loving kindness…”
In the years we have been a couple we have purposely looked to God for his guidance in our relationship & stilled ourselves long enough to really listen, hear & understand what the other is saying.
In both verbal & non verbal languages.
Which is very important in growing together as a couple for a smoother sailing experience in life.
We know that this growing process will continue throughout our life together, as life in all its complexities can majorly impact any couple with adjustments needed along the way.
We have also grown to appreciate the positive aspects of each others dialects, behaviour & the unique dynamic we have as a couple.
This helps us to work as a team while sailing to our guided destination in Him.
So dear friend let me ask you the following questions;
Are you purposefully learning to understand a Significant Other’s dialect?
How is that going?
Until next time,
Jennifer
You’re most welcome to join me in The Reading Nook
Or
In Prayer
© 2019 Jennifer M. Ross, teawithjennifer.blog All Rights Reserved. Photo by pexels.com
Tea With Jennifer 
The waterfront sounds delightful. What wise words and counsel here Jen.
I appreciate you sharing these wise words with Sweet Tea & Friends this month.
Thank you Paula & the waterfront is beautiful ☺️
Great point about the verbal AND the non-verbal. I’m surprised sometimes at how clueless some people can be about non-verbal language. Great thoughts here. Visiting from the Sweet Tea & Friends linkup.
Thank you Jennifer. Lovely to have you drop by ☺️
I’ve never been a big talker myself. But that’s mostly because I like to be alone., actually I am alone most of the time. When I used to visit my sister out of state she would ask me why I wouldn’t talk. I replied that I loved the sound of her voice rather than my own.
It’s lovely that you can spend time with your sister & she wants to hear what you may have to say.
Some of us are much better at listening then talking though. 🙂
Jeff and I have had a few conversations lately where I’ve used phrases that really feel foreign to him, even though they’re plain English. lol. So I get what you’re saying. Even though we also have very similar cultural and spiritual backgrounds, there is still room for miscommunication, and we definitely need God to help bridge any gaps.
Absolutely Lisa, we definitely need God in our marriages! Thank you for sharing your experience with hubby with us ☺️
A great post and yes, communication is key. Married for 33 years and communication has changed through the years, for the better. Thanks for linking up.
Thank you Michelle, it’s a pleasure to link up 🤗
Great post Jennifer! “Our main spoken language is English. However, we speak two different dialects, his is called Stevenese and mine is Jenniferese!” The example of your relationship dialects made me laugh out loud. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you Lisa! Lovely to have you drop by today & so pleased you enjoyed your time here. 😀
I became certified to teach Don and Katie Fortune’s Discover Your Spiritual Gifts – and they have a book for couples – which is really about how the spiritual gifts speak to each other. Between that and the 5 Love Language Book – they have made a world of difference in how I respond to everyone, including my husband. For example, my husband’s an administrator/server who needs to depressurize after work – and I am bursting with all the things I want to tell him – so we’ve compromised. He gets his depressurization time – and then I have time to tell him all the things I’ve been hoarding to share with him all day long! LOL Yes – we definitely each do have a differently dialect – but God has been able to disarm those gifts as weapons in our marriage – and turn them into blessings! We could sit over tea and all good things and talk about this topic and have a delightful time!
God is so amazing! And brings such blessing into our relationships when we each allow Him Maryleigh. Yes a chat over a cuppa is always a delight! 😀
Neither me or my husband are big talkers either. We definitely can keep a conversation going but we don’t feel we have to at all times. I’m grateful we speak the same language most of the time. But even when we don’t, thanks for this reminder to lean in to purposefully understand each other.
Lovely having you join me for a cuppa Lisa! Glad you found a reminder here for purposeful communication with hubby 😀
Hi Jennifer, lovely post, and so relevant to any married couple. Definitely a great encouragement to me. I’m visiting from Lyli’s bloghop. Glad I found you there.
God bless
Tracy
Thank you Tracy! Lovely to have you drop by! 😀
My husband and I have shared many a laugh, and the occasional tear, over our different languages. One thing that we try to let us guide our processing is alway always always assume the best of the other person knowing that we love each other.
I love that Marty! What a great agreement to have as part of your marriage! Lovely having you drop by 😀